>  YOU KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN TO RUSSIA TOO LONG WHEN:
>
>1. You have to think twice about throwing away an
>empty instant coffee jar.
>3. You carry a plastic shopping bag with you "just in
>case".
>4. You say he/she is "on the meeting" (instead of "at
>the" or "in a meeting).
>5. You answer the phone by saying "allo, allo, allo"
>before giving the caller a chance to respond.
>6. You save table scraps for the cats living in the
>courtyard.
>7. When crossing the street, you sprint.
>8. In winter, you choose your route by determining
>which icicles are least likely to impale you in the
>head.
>9. You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga
>car.
>10. You let the telephone ring at least 4 times before
>you pick it up because it is probably a mis-connection
>or electric fault.
>11. You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside
>and you think it is a nice day for a change.
>12. You argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 30
>rubles ($2) to go 2 kilometers in a blizzard.
>13. You actually know and CARE whether Spartak won
>last night.
>14. You win a shoving match with an old Babushka for a
>place in line and you are proud of it.
>15. You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet
>paper in the WC at work.
>16. You look at people's shoes to determine where they
>are from.
>17. You automatically hand in your mace at the door
>before going through a metal detector.
>18. You are pleasantly surprised when there is real
>wine in the bottle of Georgian Kinzamaruli you bought
>in a kiosk.
>19. You notice that Flathead's cell phone is smaller
>than yours and you're jealous.
>20. Your day seems brighter after seeing that goon's
>Mercedes broad sided by a pensioner's "Moskvich"
>21. You are thrown off guard when the doorman at the
>nightclub is happy to see you.
>22. You're not sure what to do you when the "GAI"
>(traffic cop) only asks you to pay the official fine.
>23. You wonder what the tax inspector really wants
>when she says everything is in order.
>24. You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been
>really exceptional.
>25. You plan your vacation around those times of the
>year when the hot water is turned off.
>26. You are relieved when the guy standing next to you
>on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
>27. You are envious because your expat friend has
>smaller door keys than you have.
>28. You ask for no ice in your drink.
>29. You start using "da" instead of "yes".
>30. You go mushroom and berry picking out of necessity
>instead of recreation.
>31. You develop a liking for beetroot.
>32. You begin to socialize with your driver and/or
>your cleaning lady.
>33. You know what Dostoyevsky's favorite color was.
>34. You start to believe that you're a character in a
>Tolstoy novel.
>35. You know seven people whose favorite novel is "The
>Master and Margarita".
>36. You change into tapki (slippers) and wash your
>hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
>37. You take a trip to Budapest and think you've been
>to heaven.
>38. You start thinking of black bread as a good chaser
>for vodka.
>39. You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
>40. You can read bar codes, and you start shopping for
>products by their country of production.
>41. You begin to refer to locals as "nashy" (ours).
>42. It doesn't seem strange to pay the GAI $2.25 for
>crossing the double line while making an illegal
>U-turn, and $35 for a micro waved dish of frozen
>vegetables at a crappy restaurant.
>43. Your coffee cups habitually smell of vodka.
>44. You know more than 60 Olgas.
>45. You give you business card to social
>acquaintances.
>46. You wear a wool hat in the sauna.
>47. You put the empty bottle of wine on the floor in a
>restaurant.
>48. You are rude to people at the airport for no
>reason.
>49. You have to check your passport for an
>arrival-in-Russia date.
>50. 'Remont', 'pivo' and 'nalivai' become integral
>parts of your vocabulary.
>51. You've been to Tallinn at least a dozen times for
>visas.
>52. You are curious as to when they might start
>exporting Baltika beer to your home country.
>53. Cigarette smoke becomes 'tolerable'.
>54. You think metal doors are a necessity.
>55. You changed apartments 6 times in 6 months.
>56. You no longer feel like going to your "home"
>country.
>57. You speak to other expats in your native language,
>but forget a few of the simplest words and throw in
>some Russian ones.
>58. You remember how many kilos you weigh - but forget
>how many pounds.
>59. A gallon of gasoline or milk seems like a foreign
>concept.
>60. You no longer miss the foods you grew up with, and
>pass them up at foreign-owned supermarkets.
>61. You actually enjoy shopping at the rynok, and you
>think that Ramstore is the most advanced supermarket
>you've ever been to.
>62. You think that the Manezh is a real shopping mall.
>68. You don't feel guilty about not paying on the
>trolley.
>69. You can sleep through a hangover without curtains
>on your windows.
>70. The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.
>71. You no longer think washing clothes in the
>-bathtub is an inconvenience.
>72. You can heat water on the stove and shower with it
>in under 10 minutes.
>73. You have to take E S L lessons before you go home.
>74. You do not take off that silly sticker on the
>sunglasses that you just bought.
>75. Your sister writes to you about the best prime rib
>she's ever had and you can't remember what it looks or
>tastes like.
>76. The sellers at the rynok start calling you by your
>patronymic only.
>77. You have had your clothes ruined by all the
>so-called Western style dry cleaners and have to start
>the cycle over again.
>78. You bring your own scale and calculator to the
>market to make sure the amount you are charged is
>correct.
>79. When you know the Moscow Metro better than you
>know the subway system back home.
>80. A weekend anywhere in the Baltic qualifies as a
>trip to the West.
>81.You start buying Russian toilet paper.
>82. You sit in silence with your eyes shut for a few
>moments before leaving on any long journey.
>83. You look in the mirror to turn away bad luck if
>you have to return home to pick something up you've
>forgotten.
>84. You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel
>guilty.
>85. You never smile in public when you're alone.
>86. You know the official at the metro
>station/airport/border/post office/railway station
>etc. etc. is going to say "nyet", but you argue
>anyway.
>87. When you save tea bags of Yorkshire Tea brought
>over specially from home
>to use for a second cuppa later....
>88. When you go back to England and notice how frosty,
>unemotional, unsentimental and cold the Brits are and
>long to return to the warm rush of the Russian "dusha"
>(soul).
>89. When that strange pungent mix of odours of stale
>sawdust, sweat and grime in the metro makes you feel
>safe and at home....
>90. When you realize that all the above and the other
>messages on this subject posted here are what you love
>about Russia, that you've been here long enough to
>feel at home and wonder whether you'll ever be able to
>fit back in the old country....
>91. You are in awe that after 3 days home your shoes
>are still clean.
>92. You get wildly offended when you are asked to pay
>at the coat check.
>93.You are insolent to people for leaving their
>jackets on when entering restaurants, etc.
>94. You are afraid of offending someone by asking them
>what they do for a living.
>95. (For women) When you dress up in your best outfits
>for work and ride the metro.
>96. When the word "salad" ceases for you to have
>anything to do with lettuce.
>97. When mayonnaise becomes your dressing of choice.
>98. You can recite in Russian all the words to all the
>tampon (OK OB,etc.) and chewing gum commercials.
>99. When you begin paying attention to peoples' floors
>and can distinguish the quality of linoleum and/or
>parquet, and thus determine social status, taste, and
>income e.g. embezzled, earned, pension, unpaid, etc.).
>
>100. You get excited when the dentist smiles and has
>all his own teeth.
>101.You do all your shopping at kiosks.
>102. You judge the strength of your local Mafia clan
>by the availability of Planters
>Cheese Balls.
>103. You voluntarily take a stroll in the park,
>Baltica beer in hand, on a sub-zero day.
>104. When you go back to the "home country":
>105. You continue to "cross" the number 7.
>106. You think it's too hot, no matter what season you
>return.
>107. You specify "no gas" when asking for mineral
>water.
>108. You are dumbstruck when high school or college
>students wait you with a smile, reciting a 90 second
>spiel on the "specials of the day" and display
>complete knowledge of the contents of each menu
>item...
>109. You tip very little, even for great service.
>110. You try paying a traffic fine one the spot and
>get arrested for attempted bribery.
>111. You look for kvas and kefir in the supermarket,
>and ask to buy half a head of cabbage.
>112. You are surprised to see that the cooks in a
>Chinese restaurant are actually Chinese.
>113. You get bored with the pace and organization
>around you, and can't wait to get back to Russia.
>114. You see a car behind you with flashing lights and
>think it's some politician.