How to try communicating your vegetarian / vegan preferences in Russian

SPEAKING WITH A TRAVEL AGENT.

No, I don't want to go to Russia. - Net, ya ne khochu v Rossiyu.

I regret to say, after 16 years here, that I find very few reasons to recommend travelling here. Expensive. Ugly. Profoundly unfriendly unless you are well connected.

IN A RESTAURANT

I am a vegetarian. - Ya vegetarianets (for men); ya vegetarianka (for women).

I don't eat animals.. - Ya ne yem zhivotnykh.

Don't expect to be understood. You will often here no even when there are lots of vegetarian items on the menu. Russian restaurants don't like non-standard clients.

GETTING OBNOXIOUS

Take it away and give it a decent burial. - Zaberite i dostoyno pokhoronite.

I thought my travel agent made my preferences clear. - Moy turisticheskiy agent yasno ukazal, kakovy moi predpochteniya.

May I see the manager please? Yes, right now. - Mogu ya uvidet upravlyayushego? Da, pryemo seichas.

I'm calling my travel agent! - Ya svonyu svoyemu agenty.

I'm calling my lawyer! - Ya zvonyu svoyemu yuristu!

No, these phrases will not necessarily produce the expected effect unless you are in an expensive wester-managed establishment.

BEGGING.

Perhaps you have salads. - Mozhet byt u vas yest salaty?

Toasts? - Grenki?

Vegetables? - Ovoshi?

Nuts? - Orekhi?

Potato chips? - Kartofelnyye chipsy?

OK, fried eggs will do. Just don't add any sausage. - Khorosho, yaichnitsa. Bez kolbasy.