Hi
again Paul,
I also recently completed this article below. Would you like to post it
somewhere on your site?
Regards,
Winston
-------------------------------------------
Dear Reader,
If you are one of the many people who think that most or all Russian women are
desperate to leave their country, please read my article and consider the eight
points in it. They are based on my experiences of being 6 months in
Russia, visiting nine cities, and meeting hundreds of people there.
Regards,
Winston
Eight Reasons Why
Russian Women Are NOT
Desperate To Leave Their Country
By Winston Wu (WWu777@aol.com)
I would like to address something because it comes up so often. Many
ignorant people (who have never been to Russia obviously) constantly claim that
Russian women treat me and other foreign men much better because they are
desperate to get out of their country. These people make snap judgments
about something they know nothing about. This common claim is ignorant,
laughable and easily disproven from every angle. Allow me to elaborate.
1) First of all, Americans are not the standard to compare the rest of
the world by. Just because people in other countries are different,
doesn't mean that they must have ulterior motives. Why can't people be
naturally different or have different attitudes and behaviors without having
ulterior motives or something fishy up their sleeve?
2) Second, most Russian women are NOT trying to leave their country to
live abroad. In fact, according to the statistics on the Myths section of
Elena's site (http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm) the percentage of the women
in Russia affiliated with marriage agencies looking for foreign men is about
0.13 percent of the total population. That's almost a tenth of one
percent! Such a stat is only an estimate, but the point is that the women
looking to leave their country for good is a very small percentage of the
whole, contrary to what egocentric Americans believe and what our media likes
to perpetuate.
Through the many diverse Russian women I've met and interacted with in 9
cities, here is what I've gathered in regards to the position of the average
Russian woman. Most Russian women love to travel to places like Europe,
America, or other counries for vacation but not to move there permanently (I
don't think that in any country, the typical person there is looking to leave
it). And even among those that do want to leave their country to live
elsewhere, many of them prefer Europe over America because it's much more
convenient to come back home to visit their families, and because European
culture is closer and similar to theirs. Also, even among those that want
to leave their country, most of them are not desperate. They are merely
considering it as an option, not basing all their hopes on it. They would
consider moving abroad for the right man that they fall in love with, but it's
not their goal in life.
A few may be desperate, but they are usually either gold digger types, have a
highly materialistic mentality, need to be in an environment with a high
money-making potential to be happy, brainwashed by Hollywood movies depicting
luxurious lifestyles, or have a child that they need a financially stable man
to help raise. But they do not constitute most of the women in marriage
agencies, especially if they're in their 20's and still young.
This misconception arose partly because of the false image of Russian women
portrayed by our egocentric media. One of the jobs of our media besides
selling news for its advertisers, is to motivate you to get up and go to work
or school everyday to keep our economy/society productive. (Do you think it's
just a coincidence that the media's values are usually consistent with those of
corporate America? For example, when there's a recession in our economy
and consumer spending is down, or when people refuse to waste money on
extraneous goods they don't need that only satisfy fleeting desires, the media
does not see this as a good thing. Instead, rather than admitting that
people have wised up or become more spiritually focused on non-material things,
they portray this as a bad thing.) One of the ways of doing this is to
make you think that other people are worse off than you and would give anything
to be in your shoes. And of course, bad news sells better for the media
and its advertisers, since people like to believe that others are worse off
than they are and would give anything to be in their shoes, to keep themselves
motivated in their current situation in life.
3) Third, as a matter of fact, there's really no such thing as a
"Russian mail order bride" anymore than there is a Santa Claus.
You cannot just go online and "order" a wife or bride. That
denigrating term and concept was created by our media for political and social
reasons. You can read about this in more detail at:
http://www.womenrussia.com/mail_order_brides/
http://www.womenrussia.com/russianwomen/escape.htm
Sorry folks, but the truth is, in real life you can't "buy" or
"order" a bride from Russia, contrary to the fictional concept
created by our media. Those marriage/introduction/dating agencies out
there simply allow you to purchase their womens' contact information, not sell
away their individual rights. You've still got to win their hearts or
attraction to you. Of course, there are prostitutes in Russia that you
can buy for a while, but these internet marriage/dating agencies are not in
that kind of business. They are either legit, or else they are a scam to
take your money without offering you someone real. But in either case,
they are NOT letting you buy or order actual women to be brides. Of
course, these agencies all have their share of gold diggers, visa whores, and
leisure snoochers, but they have many quality women who are not like that at
all.
4) Fourth, if you want to claim that some of these Russian women want a
foreign man because he has more money and is a better provider, that may be a
factor, but you've also got to ask yourself, how is that any different from an
American woman (or any woman for that matter) who wants a serious partner who
is financially stable so he will be a good provider for the family? Such
double standards are too prevalent in our society. Motives are not
mutually exclusive, contrary to what ignorant people who don't like to think,
want to believe. It is strange that many Americans sometimes assume that
there must be only one motive to every action. Even with the ones that
want to leave their country, at least they want to leave with someone they love
and feel is compatible with them. Just because someone wants a foreign
husband, doesn't mean they'll take anyone! Common sense should tell you
that. After all, if an American woman wanted to have children and raise a
family, do you think she will just marry anyone who could give her that? No,
of course not. She would want the right person for her and her future,
someone compatible with her with the qualities that she desires, who could
capture her heart, and provide for her. So would you say then that her
ONLY motive for being with any man was just to use him? Obviously not.
So why would it be any different for a Russian woman who wanted to marry
a foreigner? People are so quick to believe the worst about others, which
is sad because it marks a sign of a dysfunctional psyche.
5) Fifth, the Russian women I met who weren't seeking relations with
foreign men didn't treat me any less better than those who did. They were
willing to spend time with me, get to know me, and didn't blow me off. The
same goes for those who didn't have a romantic interest and just wanted to be
friends. Besides, it is not uncommon in Russia for women to follow the
"friends first" rule, as they do in most of the world.
6) Sixth, I can tell you conclusively from experience that overt
friendliness and hospitality is an integral part of Russian culture. As
my friend Masha told me after my first 6 week trip to Russia:
"I don't think that Russians treated you so well only to your being a
rich, Hospitality is an integral part of Russian character, and you can see it
during travelling by trains when people in one compartment became good friends,
spending together not much time and treating each other with their food. On my
way to Izhevsk, I was in one compartment with an old woman and spent 2 days
together and she told me about all her life since her childhood and when she
got off the train( but earlier than I) she introduced me to all her relatives
who came to meet her at the station. So, don't think that you was met good only
due to your been a foreigner, rich foreigner, may be, you can't
understand why they did so, and I can't explain-it's Russian character, if
you'll come to Russia again and live for a while, may be then you will
understand and even feel why."
Well she was right. After 6 months in Russia, I experienced what she
meant. I definitely felt the hospitality and friendliness that was an
integral part of Russian culture and soul. It is something that exists
without agenda or motive, and it's sad that many Americans cannot fathom such a
concept that's above their heads, since in our western materialistic
individualistic society, actions almost always have motives and agendas. That
says sad things about what our society, though economically prosperous, has
become. Our mistaken mentality is that just because we tend to be
agenda-driven, does not mean other people are too.
7) Seventh, if they were desperate and saw me as a ticket out of Russia,
why would some dump me if they didn't think we were compatible? And why
didn't I get a 100 percent response rate from the ones I wrote, if it didn't
matter who wrote to them, only that he could take them out of their country?
8) Eighth, I recently saw another good point made on an internet article
I read. It made sense and is something I haven't considered before.
Let me quote it.
(http://www.womenrussia.com/russianwomen/escape.htm)
"The truth of the matter is, that the percentage of Russian women who are
looking for their "soul mates" through the internet is no greater
than the percentage of women from western countries such as England, Canada,
Australia and the United States who are searching the Internet for their future
spouse!!!!
Here is an interesting tidbit: With the population of Russia at approximately
170 million people as compared to the United State's population of more than
250 million people, why is it that you don't see as many dating agencies from
other countries?
The answer, is a simple one... CHOICE!!!
Women, from the USA and most other Western Nations have choices to use or not
to use the services of a dating agency. Almost all women from western countries
have computers at home or at work. The Internet services in most of these
countries are ridiculously low when compared with the cost of the same services
in Russia.
Only a few very big Russian cities such as Moscow and St. Petersburg have
Internet services that are more or less affordable for an average person. Russia
is a huge country, with its eleven time zones from East To West and is just now
establishing Internet services. It is only within the last three or four years
that the Internet service providers have begun to take hold within Russia and
the fees for their monthly services are out of reach to most Russian citizens. It
is not uncommon for most Internet services to cost $100.00 or more, a month. With
the average salary, for example, for a Russian doctor being around a $100.00,
it is a luxury few citizens can afford. But, we are talking about a single
woman or a one-parent household.
Do you think that the average American single mother could afford this kind of
money for Internet services? So, this is the reason why you see so many Russian
dating agencies! Russian women HAVE TO USE their service!"
Conclusion
The people making these rash statements about Russian women being desperate to
leave their country have never even been to Russia. No one who has spent
extensive time there thinks that people there are desperate to leave their
country. Most Russians are very proud of their country and culture, and
it shows in their traditions, architecture, music, holidays, vibes, etc.
From what I've learned, there are three
factors that explain why Russian women are friendlier to foreign men.
(Most people, for some reason, prefer to only focus on one.) 1)
Their perception of me as being rich and wealthy by their standards.
2) Their perception of me as an exotic foreign novelty, especially if
they've had little or no contact with foreigners before (or as a chance to practice
their English with). 3) The fact that they are naturally friendlier as a
part of their culture and attitude. (There is a free-spirited uninhibited
playfulness about them, which you would have to experience to know what I
mean.) Some Russian are friendlier due to one of these factors, other are
due to a combination of them. But as you can see above, none of the
reasons include being desperate to leave their country.
And if you still doubt this, then ask yourself this. Who is more
qualified to comment on whether Russian women are desperate to leave their
country, someone like me who has been to 9 cities in Russia, traveled around
there for 6 months, met hundreds of people and had lots of experiences, or the
average egocentric American who never goes abroad, and gets all his/her
knowledge about Russia from the egocentric US media, getting the impression
that people there are desperate to leave?
Here's a lesson in reality for some of you folks. No one thing explains
everything in life. Not money, sex, attitude, pain/pleasure, love, or
religion. Such concepts like "It's all about money", "It's
all about sex", "It's all about attitude", "It's all about
pleasure/pain", "It's all about love", or "It's all about
God or Jesus" etc. are mantras for their believers who like to believe
that everything in life can be explained by it. But in reality, they are
simply ways for closed minded people who don't like to think, to put the world
into one little box that they can understand. I could easily prove such
statements false with an infinite number of examples to the point where the
believer of them runs away or gives up. (And I have plenty of times too!)
Therefore, try to resist the urge to label or pin down the motivations of
all Russian women.
The reasons I elaborated on obviously prove that this ignorant myth about
desperate Russian women is wrong. I have been acquainted with many
Russian women, and I can tell you that the majority of them do not act
desperate or project those kind of vibes. They are simply sweeter, more
modest, unspoiled, friendly, unparanoid, etc. and they do not have the
self-righteous and arrogant tone that many American women (and sometimes men)
have on the phone with me, which I notice when I call them. In fact, you
can notice the difference on the phone alone. When you call a typical
young American girl, they give you an arrogant spoiled tone and attitude, and
you feel like you are an intruder who has to convince her that you're worth her
time, or else the conversation gets cut short. They give you an attitude
that says "You'd better prove yourself to me or else I've got better
things to do." And sometimes you feel like you are being
manipulated, toyed, or confused by their mind games too. With Russian
women on the other hand, they often have a childlike sincere joy at hearing
your voice when you call them, like a child opening a Christmas present, which
makes you feel very welcomed. You don't feel like you have to convince
them or prove yourself to them. Furthermore, it is much easier to hold a
conversation with them because they are naturally curious and intellectual, and
find even simple things you talk about to be interesting. You just feel
so much more appreciated when you call them, and it lifts your spirits afterward.
The tremendous difference in these little things says A LOT, in my
opinion.