May 31, 2009:
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Pasha
Winston’s
Advice Articles On Traveling and Dating in Russia
Dear Reader,
Hello. My name is Winston. I have been in
Winston's
How-To Guide for Traveling in
Contents
Crash course in getting
around your first time in Russia
Communicating
Customer service - what to expect
and what not to expect
Hotels
Taxis
Taxis at the airport
Riding the bus or metro
Traveling on long-distance
overnight trains
Arranging accommodations and
transportation through marriage or adoption agencies
Ordering in cafes and
restaurants
Dealing with police or
militia
Carrying cash and other
valuables
Bringing your own medicine
Hospitals
Laundry
Public restrooms
Packing
Showering without hot water
Getting a haircut
Visas
Budget traveling in Moscow
Cultural differences in
spending and saving money
Meeting people
Calling
(Introducing Winston's
calling card shop!)
Getting used to a new image
and status level
Crash course in getting
around your first time in Russia
The first two words you need to learn in Russian, which you'll be using
the most often, are "Gdeh?" (Where?) and "Skolkah?" (How
much?) If you just know those two simple
words, you will already be in good shape to get around places and buy things or
pay for things.
If this is your first time in
When you need to find something or are lost, you just ask people around
"Gdeh (name of place)?" (Where is ..... ) or if your destination is
written on a paper or brochure, show it to them after saying "Gdeh?"
and they will point you in the right direction.
Often, it's not enough to just be pointed in one direction because your
destination may require turns, which would be difficult for you to understand
and them to explain. Therefore, a good
idea is to walk a few blocks in the direction you are pointed in, and then stop
and ask someone else so you know whether to continue in the same direction,
make a turn, or walk back to take a turn you missed. If you follow this method, little by little,
you will find where you need to go. It
works very well.
Also, "Skolkah?" (How much?) or "Skolkah stoit?"
(How much is the price?) is the other one you'll always be using as well for
when you pay for things like taxis, buses, metros, hotels, groceries,
souvenirs, and other costs, etc. If you
didn't learn the numbers in Russian before you arrived, just ask the person to
write down the price for you, or give him a pen and notepad. That will do the task.
Finally, after asking people for help or buying something, you should
thank them by saying "Spashiba" (Thank you) or if you're feeling very
pleased, say "Spashiba bolshoy" (Thank you very much).
Communicating
Here is where the skills of those who are resourceful or creative come
in handy. Communicating with people who
don't speak English can be fun sometimes and frustrating at other times. (It's fun when you're trying to get to know
someone you like, but not so fun when you are trying to describe a problem,
solve a dispute, or ask for your money back)
Most people will have a lot of trouble even attempting to communicate
here. Like most people, you will
probably arrive in
The one I got says "Brilliant 2000" on it and only cost 1100
roubles (about 40 dollars) but works like a charm. It is simple, easy to use, and has a vast
vocabulary range that will do what you need.
In addition, it also has a simple Russian to English translation feature
too, that will allow the person you're talking with to translate what they want
to say back to you. And it's small and
thin enough to put into the inside of your coat jacket. However, since it only translates one word at
a time, you have to be a little creative in finding ways to get across a
meaning. And as you might expect, some
will be better at deducing what you're trying to say than others.
You will find that it also helps a lot to pay attention to facial
expressions, when you can't understand what the person is saying. The facial expressions often give clues, for
example if someone shrugs, has a puzzled look on his face and says "Niez
nayu" you can deduce that he means "I don't know." With practice, you will learn to read these
facial expressions. Also, if you have
trouble getting something across, it often helps if you use analogies or
examples to illustrate your point. It
takes some practice to be good at that, and even then, you can only explain
simpler things, not complex things.
Communication skills are something you have to practice or be
resourceful with so not everyone will be good at it. If it helps you can just hire a translator or
guide, but that would often cost a lot.
Fortunately, I've always been talented in games like Pictionary,
Charades, or Scrabble type games, so I've been able to use that to enhance my
communication skills. For people like
me, translators are often unnecessary.
But for others, they may help a lot in making things more comfortable
and easy to deal with. So if you need it
and can afford it, I'd say go ahead and get a translator. However, I should tell you that the
translators working for marriage agencies tend to be more expensive than
independent ones or city tour guides.
Whatever the case, when speaking English in
Customer service - what to
expect and what not to expect
Before you go to
Also, in disputes, the customer is not always right like in the
states. In fact, the customer is almost
always wrong. Even if the staff or
business messes up on something, they will not take any losses for it. Instead, you would have to take the loss for
it. And if both of you are at fault,
such as due to miscommunication, then you most definitely would have to take
the loss, not them. Often, it is not
worth it to argue with them about it, unless it has to do with a great sum of
money.
Therefore, when these kind of things happen, try not to take it
personally or get offended. It's not
happening because they don't like you, nor are they trying to give you a bad
time. It's just how they do business
over there. And that's nothing
personal. In fact, many of these workers
are much more friendly, lively, and free-spirited once they are off work. (It
is a cultural quirk that is inverse to the states, where people are friendlier
at work when they are paid to be than off work when they don't have to be)
Remember that this is not
In addition, things in general are just not as efficient as in
Hotels
In almost any Russian hotel, there is a tight security system as
follows. Each floor has a concierge
lady, dressed like a maid, who guards and manages her assigned floor. After paying for your room, she takes your
receipt and hands you the key to your room.
When you are leaving, you are supposed to leave her the key, while she
gives you a hotel pass for you to carry on you.
This pass lets the doorman know that you are a resident there before
letting you up again. All this may seem
like control-tight security to a first time Westerner in
Regarding the floor concierges, they usually have 24 hour shifts, and
not only take and give you your key, but also changes your sheets, bring you
hot boiling water for your coffee or instant noodles, and may do your laundry
for a negotiated price. Keep in mind
though, that in the cheaper hotels, the concierge ladies may be much more
grouchy and unpleasant, giving you dirty looks and looking for excuses to scold
you all the time. But don't take that
personally, as they are way overworked and underpaid, especially in the cheap
hotels. And furthermore, I hear their
bosses treat them like crap too.
As in any big city, the further from city center you go, the less
expensive the hotels are. (Sometimes, 10
- 15 minutes further down can mean the difference between hundreds of dollars!)
This is true, of course in
A nice inexpensive hotel complex in
Now here's another secret. There
are also what are called "hidden hotels" in Moscow that only Russians
know about and go to, which don't seem to advertise to foreigners (don't ask me
why) though you can stay in them. They
can vary in quality, but are fairly inexpensive even if located near city
center. Here's one I know that is close
to city center. I don't know the name of
it, but it's situated in the same building as the famous Traveler's Guest House
youth hostel, located near metro stations Prospect Mira and Rizansky Prospect.
(see www.hostels.com for exact address or email me for directions) In fact, almost all the youth hostels in
This would also be a good option if you are staying with a woman you're
seeing who is not comfortable or ready to sleep in the same room with you yet,
as it saves you from having to pay for two separate hotel rooms.
If you are bringing a guest or woman to your room who isn't registered
to stay there, that person has to sign in with the doorman security. Usually, there is a curfew at which time they
must leave. Otherwise, the guest can
stay longer if a fee is given to the doorman.
Now for something a little shady.
It's something to do if your girl dumps you, or you are feeling
depressed or bored, and you want to do something besides drink the blues
away. Almost every hotel in
You can find information for hotels in any Russian city online. However, the ones that advertise online are
usually the most expensive ones. To find
less expensive ones, you would have to rely on word-of-mouth, local people, or
asking the taxi drivers there.
Taxis
In
Here is the standard way to hail a cab in
In most cities outside of
But if you find yourself in a situation where you have to take a taxi
there (such as if the metro is closed after midnight, your legs are too tired
to walk, you're with a girl wearing high heels, you have heavy luggage with
you, etc.), here is what you need to do.
After hailing a cab, if you can't pronounce your destination and street
name in Russian, have someone write it on a piece of paper for you, or show
them the card/brochure with your destination on it, and then ask the driver
"skolkah" (how much) or "skolkah stoit" (how much is the
price). Seeing that you are a foreigner,
the driver will usually give a higher than normal price, such as 500 roubles.
(Most of them know how to quote prices in English) Then you counter with a low price and offer
100 roubles. Usually they will say no
way. So you work your way up and offer
200 roubles next, and so forth. Usually,
they will cut it down a bit for you. If
not, then just say thank you "spashiba" and then close the door, and
hail another one. Usually, within three
tries, you will find one that is decently priced. If not, then perhaps your destination is far
away enough that it requires a higher fare.
Oh and if he can't quote prices in English or you in Russian, just use a
notepad and pen to write the numbers to show each other.
Also, when getting off a train station, avoid the hustling taxi drivers
trying to offer you a ride. They are
usually very shady and attempt to quote you prices way above the standard,
hoping that you don't know any better.
Many have quoted me 20 dollars at first, for a 3 minute ride, hoping
that I didn't know it was only 3 minutes away, to which I laughed in
response. Be warned though, they are
very insistent, but don't give in.
Instead, if you need a taxi, go to the street and hail one down. Or, if you're like me, avoid the hassle and
try to use the metro or bus if it's convenient for you and your luggage is
light. Outside of Moscow and St.
Petersburg though, taxis are relatively inexpensive, so you can use them more
often.
Now here is where the dilemma comes in.
If you are with a Russian woman, it looks bad to her, even if she is a
nice good person, to be bargaining with the taxi driver in front of her. Not only do men need to appear generous in
front of a Russian lady, but they need to appear not concerned about money,
regardless of whether they are rich or poor.
And it embarrasses some Russian ladies to be next to a guy who is
bargaining. Therefore, if a driver
attempts to scam you, then you are caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, the driver is giving you an
inflated price because you are a foreigner with extra cash to spare for
them. But you can't defend yourself
against it because it looks bad to the Russian lady with you. So what do you? It's not an easy dilemma to resolve. But here's what I would try. Don't have the Russian lady talk to the
driver first (although it's tempting to just let her tell him the destination). Instead, you tell or show the driver your
destination, asking your woman's help if needed, and then negotiate from there,
but be quick about it. If you don't take
too long, it won't look as bad to her.
That's all I can say.
Oh and one more thing. Most
Russian women are accustomed to walking and have strong feet (some even have
blisters and veins on their feet to show for it :)). They are accustomed to taking buses, trolley,
minivan buses, or metros and therefore won't have a problem with it. But there are a few though, who are too lazy
to walk, ride buses or take the metro, and think they are princesses who
deserve the high class treatment of riding taxis. In this case, you will have to make a
decision as to whether you want to pay the price of keeping her, and if she's
worth it. Normally, it's best to use
both forms of transportation. For
example, using buses and metros in the day when there's time to walk and
sightsee, and using taxis at night after a long day when both of you are
tired. However, there are some women who
will ONLY ride taxis, and they are usually the same ones who like to order wine
all the time too. That's when you have
to make a judgment call about whether you want to expend the resources to keep
someone like that or not. If you're not
on a budget and are only there for a week or two, then it may not matter to
you. Otherwise, it's another story.
Taxis at the airport
Most people who fly to Russia are probably either arriving at the
airport in Moscow or St. Petersburg. If
you land there, keep something in mind.
The taxi drivers outside who are waiting to hound you, are not standard
taxis. They are monopolized by some
company or mafia group, and will charge you at least 40 dollars and up to get
you somewhere. You will also find them
incredibly pushy and aggressive in getting you to ride with them. My advice is not to take them because they
will rip you off (and in worse ways than the ones at the train station). Instead, you can easily take a bus into town
that will get you to a metro station that will get you to where you need to go
(and if not, you can just take a regular taxi from there the rest of the
way). However, the problem comes when
you arrive at the airport at 11pm or midnight, because that's about when the
city bus service from the airport stops.
In that case, you could be forced to take one of those rip-off taxis or
sleep in the airport waiting area until morning, neither of which are nice
prospects. Therefore, if you know your
flight will arrive after 11pm, it's best to arrange some kind of pickup on your
own. If no one you know is able to pick
you up, many hotels and even youth hostels have airport pickup services that
will cost about 20 or 25 dollars.
Riding the bus or metro
If you're on a budget like me, you may find yourself taking buses and
metros. They are much cheaper than
taxis, very inexpensive, and sure beats walking. In almost any Russian decent sized city, the
bus system is very comprehensive and frequent, and will get you to near almost
any place. The fare is usually between 5
and 7 roubles per way, and students with a pass get on for free. During commute hours, you may find yourself
packed tightly with too many people and no breathing space.
If you are new to Russia, here are some tips for learning to get around
on buses. Again, as in the suggestion for
riding taxis, have your destination name or bus stop name written down on a
piece of paper or brochure. There are
two ways you can do this. One is to show
your destination to the bus driver, and then use some pantomime signals (by
either pointing to your ear or mouth) to tell him to alert you when they reach
your stop. Not all drivers will be able
to understand you, but the ones that do are usually very reliable in
remembering to alert you for your stop.
The other more easier way is to ask a person on the bus to alert you
when your stop approaches. Or they can
tell you how many stops it will be before you get off. It's best to approach a younger person for
help with this, since they are more likely to know some English. Then thank them by saying "Spashiba
bolshoy". If you find that you just
missed your stop, go up to the bus driver and say to him "Astanovka
pajalst" (stop please or next stop please).
When you get on the bus, a ticket taker lady will usually approach you
to collect the fare and issue you a thin paper ticket. On some buses though, there is no ticket
taker and they use the honor system to collect your fares. You are expected to go to the front of the
bus and give the driver the fare. But of
course, many do not do that and simply enter and exit from the back of the
bus. Also, during commute hours when
buses are so packed that you can't move around, the ticket lady may not come to
you to collect the fare. In that case,
you can just get off without paying, cause there will be no way for you to do
so. But be warned though, in some cities
(such as Novgorod) they have a rule that if you forget to pay the ticket lady,
she is allowed to fine you for 50 roubles as a late penalty fee. Sometimes, they may purposely not collect
from you at first so that they can have an excuse to fine you, especially if
you are a foreigner, in order to squeeze some extra cash from you.
In Moscow and St. Petersburg, you can take the metro subway system,
which will get you to within walking distance of most places and main streets,
though sometimes you may have to take a transfer bus from the station to your
destination. The last time I was there,
the fare was 7 roubles per way, but if you buy them in bulk quantity (with
credits on a metro card in Moscow and tokens in St. Petersburg) the price goes
down. For example, if you buy 10 credits
at once, the price drops to 5 roubles per way, or 50 roubles total. When you're at the ticket window to buy the
credits to the metro, you can just use your fingers to indicate how many
credits you want to buy and put the cash under the window. She will give you your change and the metro
card or tokens. It's best to learn how
to say numbers in Russian though, in case you are buying more than ten
credits. I would suggest buying at least
ten credits each time though, since they are so cheap and it saves time to not
have to stand in line each time you ride the metro.
At first glance of the metro map, especially at the one of Moscow, it
can look intimidating and you may fear getting lost in a maze. But don't worry, it's easier than it
looks. The Moscow metro, in fact, is
claimed to be the most efficient system in the world. Your hotel or travel guide may have a metro
map for you. If not, it is best to get a
wallet sized copy of it to have ready, which is easily obtainable in stores
around the area. Or, you can just print
one out at these online links.
Moscow metro map:
http://www.hotels-moscow.ru/metro.html
St. Petersburg metro map:
http://www.hotels-moscow.ru/spb/metro.html
When you need to, you can pull it out and ask people for help by
pointing to your destination station.
The beauty of the metro is that there is never a shortage of people
around to ask for help. And again, try
asking a young person because they are more likely to know some English.
(It is best to be get acquainted with the Russian alphabet first, so
you can read the metro signs in Russian.
You can get acquainted with the whole Russian alphabet in two hours by
going here: http://langintro.com/rintro/null.htm The lessons you go through there acquaint you
almost effortlessly.)
With the metro, use a similar strategy to riding the bus. When you descend the long escalator into the
metro station, you will first have to decide whether to take the train on the
left or right. Look at the signs
above. They list the names of the stops
in both directions in Russian. Look for
your destination station name on your piece of paper or brochure, and find the
matching one on the signs to know which train to take. If you're lucky, it will be on the same
line. If not, you will have to transfer
lines to get to it. If you don't already
know the station you're at, look at your metro map card to find it, then your
destination station, and then plot a course using a transfer route to get
there. If you need to transfer lines,
focus on the transfer station between the line you're on and the line you need
to transfer to. (Note: Although your metro map may have the names of
the stations also written in English and Russian, the metro signs will only
have them written in Russian, sorry :))
Then follow the arrows on the signs and take the train heading in that
direction.
Onboard the train, you will usually find a copy of the metro map along
the wall. Stay near that map, and count
the number of stops to your destination or station. Pay attention each time the train stops, so
you will know how much further it is to go.
At this point, if you learned the Russian alphabet, it will come in
handy because you can listen to the intercom which announces each station as it
stops, to gauge where you're at on the map.
Listen for these words at each stop "Stanzai ....... (station name
at this stop). Sleduchei stanzai (Next
station is......)" If you get
confused or lose track of which station you're at, ask someone nearby. Point to the station currently outside, and
then the map and say "Gdeh?" (where?) or "Stanzai zavut?"
(station name?)
By the way, if you're boarding or leaving a train, and you hear the
words "Asteroznah divi zakravaitsa" then hurry up because it is
cautioning you that the doors are about to close! If you hear this and you're still outside the
train, you may start pushing the crowd in front of you a little to hurry up and
get in. It is common practice in Russian
metros for people to push their way in before the doors close, as long as they
do it gently and firmly. Otherwise, the
doors could close in on your body, which can be unpleasant. Believe me, it's happened to me before.
If you arrive at your transfer station, you will now need to look for
which direction to walk in to get to your transfer line. You can do that by looking for the color of
your transfer line, however that may be a bit tricky in Moscow because the
color shades of the metro lines are not consistent and may confuse you. In the St. Petersburg metro though, the metro
line colors are more consistent.
Therefore, I would suggest looking for the metro line number instead,
which is much more reliable. You will
see the line numbers on your metro map.
For instance, the brown ring line that goes around the center of the
Moscow Metro is labeled as line # 5. The
signs above will show you the colors and numbers of the various transfer lines
you can go to. Follow the arrow to your
transfer line. Be prepared for a long
walk through tunnels and stairs. And if
you get lost, just ask people around for help, especially a young person. When you get to the other line, follow the
same strategy as before to find the direction of the train that you should
take.
This might all seem a bit tedious at first, but don't worry, it gets a
lot easier with practice. You don't need
to be brilliant to figure it out, you just have to pay attention. And when in doubt, it's best to ask someone
near you for help, otherwise you could waste a lot of time being lost. Even if they don't speak English, they will
try their best to help you. Remember
that in Russia, people are not so individualistic or stuck on privacy like in
the West, so it is ok to directly approach a stranger for help. So don't be shy or too proud to ask for
help.
Finally, here's some warnings to keep in mind. Beware of pick pocketers in the metro
station. They tend to lurk where it is
most crowded. For example, in St.
Petersburg, at the transfer station from the red line to Nevsky Prospect
station, which is at the heart of the city center, there is a train door where
tourists commonly pass through. The pick
pocketers know this and hang out there, hoping to catch foreigners with cash
and valuables on them. I had my bags
unzipped there before, and paper pulled out my back pocket as well. So it's best to have your cash and valuables
either in your front pockets, secure pockets, or passport protection belts
tucked inside your shirt (see the section on Carry cash and other
valuables). Avoid putting your wallet or
cash in your back pocket.
Although the St. Petersburg metro entrance gates utilize a nice round
carousel structure that you just push and turn, the Moscow ones are quite
different. There, you have to slide in
your metro card, take it out, wait for the green light to appear, and then walk
through. Now here's what to watch out
for. If you forget to take out your
metro card when it pops up and try to walk through the gate, the barrier gates
imbedded in side slots will spring out in front of you. Many new people to Moscow, both Russians as
well as foreigners, make the mistake of forgetting to take their card back out. Remember that you always have to take the
card back out, even if you've just finished the last credit on it, to activate
the green light that lets you go through.
It is not like the subway system in San Francisco, for example, that
eats up your last ticket if there's no more money left on it. People can easily confuse that kind of system
with the Moscow one.
Now, if the barrier gates spring out in front of you, all you will get
is a little shock or surprise. However,
if you're walking too fast through it, it can actually nab you in the sides. Ouch!
Some guys at my hostel have told me that when they were nabbed by these
gates, that it seemed that it was aimed at their crotch area, which was very
unpleasant. (I guess the powers that run
the Moscow metro system like to use fear to condition people to obey
laws?) Fortunately, I haven't
experienced that, only the shock of having them spring in front of me when I
was new. The point is, it's best to walk
through those gates at a normal pace, so that even if you do everything correctly,
if there's some case of malfunction, you don't get nabbed in the sides by these
barrier gates. I've noticed two types of
barrier gates. One type looks like old
plastic or wooden boards that spring out firmly, but wouldn't hurt as much if
you got caught between them. The other
kind though, which are made of crude metal and spring out in a triangle shape,
are the ones that can hurt if you get nabbed in the body by them.
Traveling on long-distance
overnight trains
Unless you're rich enough to be taking planes everywhere, trains are
one of the joys of traveling in Russia.
They are both cheap and efficient.
They are reliable and timely, and unlike Amtrak, they are extremely
inexpensive. An overnight trip that goes
for 10 hours usually costs about 10 dollars or 300 roubles for the "placard"
class wagons which have open door bunks sections. The higher class "kupei" wagons on
the other hand, have closed sliding door bunk sections and can cost up to
double in price. If you can, get the
kupei class wagons, especially for longer rides. There are several advantages to them. They have cleaner living quarters and
hallways, more comfortable beds, cleaner bathrooms that are NOT locked up
during sanitation stop zones (a huge inconvenience in the placard wagon if you
really have to go!), food service carts that are wheeled to you, and close
proximity to the restaurant wagon (about one or two wagons away, whereas if you
are in placard, you may have to cross up to 9 or 10 wagons to get to it!)
The kupei wagon is usually several hundred roubles more in price. However, it is well worth it. The ticket lady at the train station will
usually quote you one price for placard and another for kupei. But sometimes, if you ask, you can get a
lower price kupei seat at the same quality as the standard price. I don't know how they do it. But the ticket lady seems to have the power
to fudge the prices a little if you ask her to. (But again, don't do it if
you're with a Russian lady you're trying to impress :))
Regarding purchasing train tickets at the station, here are some
tips. First of all, check with your
hotel because sometimes they will have a ticket office for the train. There may have a little fee for booking
through there, but it's well worth it because it saves you the hassle of going
all the way to the station and back, which can take up to a few hours with the
long walks and lines.
Otherwise, if you can't speak Russian or aren't going to the station
ticket office with a Russian person, have someone write the name of your
destination city on a piece of paper, the train class you want, and the day you
want to depart. After showing this
information to the lady, she will usually write the price in roubles for you on
a piece of paper. When you pay, she will
then print out a beige colored ticket with information on it. If this is new to you, you will need to bring
this ticket to an English speaking Russian person to explain what each of the
numbers on the ticket mean. Once you get
familiar with that, you will be able to read it yourself. On the other hand, if you didn't go prepared
and have to wing it, here is what I suggest.
Try your best to pronounce the name of the city you're going to (If it's
Moscow or St. Petersburg, you should have no problem :)) or write it on a piece
of paper. Then write the date you want
to leave (remember to write the date in their format of day/month/year, and not
in ours!) and then say either "placard" or "kupei" class,
followed by "skolkah stoit?" (how much is the price?)
If after you do these things, you still have trouble, then don't
worry. At the ticket lines, there are
likely to be many people in line. The
odds are extremely high that someone there speaks English. Just ask for help, and don't be shy about
it. Remember that Russians are not hung
up on privacy and space from strangers like we are in the West. People will not be defensive if you approach
them directly. Walk around and ask who
speaks English or say "Vi gavarite pa angliski?" or if you want
something simpler to remember "Pa Angliski?" Even if they only speak a little English,
they can help you still. It's best
though, if you bring along either a map of Russia so you can show your
destination, or have a travel guide book such as Lonely Planet with maps inside
the pages.
Finally, remember to leave for the train station early, especially if
you're in Moscow or St. Petersburg. In
those big cities, getting places often takes longer than you expect, and you
need a good margin of error in case you run late, because the trains there
leave exactly on time. If you're rolling
luggage around the metro to the station, it will slow you down
considerably. Or if you're in a taxi to
the station, you may hit heavy traffic that will slow you down, causing the
driver to rush and risk getting into an accident. So leave extra early! Or else you could regret it and get into a
frenzied rush.
Arranging accommodations and
transportation through marriage or adoption agencies
If you dealt with Russian marriage/dating agencies or adoption agencies
before coming to Russia, no doubt you would consider having the agency arrange
the trip for you, providing accommodations and transportation. (By the way,
adopting a child in Russian is getting to be more common now among Western
parents because the wait time and bureaucracy is much shorter and simpler, and
the biological mother can't take the child back later if she changes her mind,
unlike here in the West) Generally, the
accommodations and transportation that they arrange are going to be much higher
in price than if you arranged it yourself.
After all, they get commissions off their referrals or profit from
service charges, and of course the higher end hotels are the ones that can
afford to give the agency commissions.
Now, if you have a lot of money to spare and prefer the peace of mind
of having it all arranged, then by all means let the agency handle it for
you. But if you're on a budget like me,
then I should let you know that it's not really necessary to have the agency
arrange these things for you. It is very
easy and often fun, to do the legwork and arrange it yourself. You can try to arrange accommodations over
the internet, but keep in mind that usually the higher end hotels are the ones
that can afford to advertise on the internet and take reservations. I'd suggest getting a Lonely Planet travel
guide of Russia to take with you. They
usually have a list of addresses and contact information for hotels from the
low end to the high end for you to choose from.
But keep in mind that the guide does NOT contain all the hotels that
exist in each city, and that the prices in it are often outdated as prices
often change in Russia. You can also ask
people in the city you arrive in, as to which hotels they recommend at the
price range you're looking for. And in
regards to train tickets, you can get them yourself using the methods I
described in an earlier section above.
Ordering in cafes and
restaurants
In cafes and restaurants, it can often be frustrating to be dealt with
menus in Russian. Most places do not have
English menus, so you will encounter this very often. One way to avoid this is to find the
cafeteria type cafes which serve food in lines where you pick what you want and
put it on your tray. Those work well and
since food usually tastes the way it looks (if you have some experience in
eating it before) you can tell what to get.
Some cities have many of these cafeteria type cafes, while others have
very few of them.
Another way is to have a set idea of what you want beforehand, have
someone write it down on paper for you, and show it to the waitress. She will tell you if it's available or
not. Remember to be as specific in the
description as possible, or else you may not get something you like!
Still, if you have to deal with a Russian menu, it's best to be with
someone who can explain it to you. If
you are with an English speaking Russian, then here's a good way to do it. First, if you have an idea of what you want,
then say it and have your companion look for it on the menu. Otherwise, it would be too long and tedious
for someone to translate every item on the menu to you. Instead, ask them to name the various
category sections on the menu, such as "salads, soups, meat dishes, fish
dishes, desserts, etc." Then, pick
a category, such as soups for instance, and have them translate each item in
that section for you until you find something you want.
Tipping is not the custom in most Russian cafes and restaurants, except
for the higher end ones in Moscow and St. Petersburg. As a general rule, if you feel pleased with
the service, then tip what you want.
Dealing with police or
militia
If you are stopped by the police or militiamen there to check your
documents, remember not to be defensive or argumentive with them. That only makes it worse. Instead, act cool and lighthearted. Joke around with them a bit too. Russian men tend to be easily amused and are
eager to kid around with you. If you can
get on their light side, they are much more likely to let you off without any
hassle. They are not required to do
things by the book, and often make judgment calls. And if you give them a good impression, they
will often make the call in your favor.
Remember that in Russia (and many other countries as well for that
matter) when you deal with a cop, it is not like dealing with an enforcer of
the law who does things by the book like it would be in the US. Rather, it is like dealing with someone on a
personal level in an informal setting.
Just have a conversation with him as an ordinary person in a polite
respectful manner. Use your
interpersonal skills, casual communication, etc. to get on his good side. Talk to him as though you were talking to a
good friend.
It seems to me though, (and I've heard this from others as well) that
if you have an American passport, they will often let you get away with things
(such as registration problems) more easily than if you have a passport from a
different country. I don't know
why. There might be political or social
reasons behind that.
However, if the officer seems very harsh and grumpy, just act like an
innocent tourist. I don't necessarily
recommend this, but if he asks you something in a harsh tone, just shrug and
say "Ya ni panimayu" (I don't understand) and repeat it for
everything he says. Oftentimes, rather
than try to communicate with someone who can't understand them, they will just
let you go. But like I said, this may
not always be a good strategy depending on the situation. You will have to make a judgment call
here. Go with the flow. If he is asking something you understand and
can easily show evidence to satisfy him, then go ahead and do it. But if you don't get what he's saying, just
shrug and keep saying "Ya ni panimayu". Most of the time, they'll give up and let you
go.
Finally, I've noticed that when you are in the company of a Russian
woman, it seems that they rarely stop you to check your passport (perhaps
because they don't wish to bother the lady).
Therefore, if you're out walking by yourself (especially in Moscow) and
you see a suspicious policeman or militiaman in your path, look around for the
nearest female pedestrian and try to walk beside her for a while as though you
two are together until you pass the view of the cop. (and yes, that may be a
good way to meet someone new too :))
It'll greatly minimize your chances of being stopped.
Carrying cash and other
valuables
One of the exciting things about Russia is that anything can happen,
from the best to the worst. The country
and environment is unstable and in a constant flux of change (perhaps this is
why unstable people and misfits in American tend to fit like a glove in Russia?
lol Just kidding). This also means that you could be mugged or
cleverly scammed before you know it.
Therefore, don't carry too much cash with you. I would suggest carrying several hundred
dollars at a time, using your ATM debit card to withdraw money from the cash
machines there (which they call "bankomat") each time you need to
replenish your supply. And many will
advise you to divide your cash among different pockets of your clothing to help
protect yourself.
But remember this very important thing though. Carry a hidden money belt under your shirt
wrapped around your torso, or a necklace money belt. I know it feels hokey and nerdy to wear it at
first, but I can't stress enough how important it is to have it. Inside the money belt, put your passport and
ATM debit card (they are the most important and essential items you need!),
along with some spare cash, credit cards (at least some of them), and any other
important documents (such as train tickets).
This money belt inside your shirt virtually eliminates pick
pocketing. I can't tell you how many
times I've met other tourists at the hostels I stayed at, who didn't have this
money belt, and lost their passport or had it stolen. If you lose your passport, you could end up
having a hellish time trying to get a temporary passport and visa from your
Embassy to stay here or leave the country!
I've heard many terrible accounts of this happening, so be warned. And if you lose your ATM debit card, you
would be toast as well since you couldn't withdraw cash anymore except with
your credit card. (not recommended)
Also, if you are in Moscow or St. Petersburg, put your wallet in your front
pocket, not your back pocket. In crowded
areas there, such as the metro, there are pick pocketers lurking and they know
how to spot foreigners. In regards to
traveler's checks, I wouldn't bother with them because most places don't take
them, and to convert them to cash in a bank, the department which handles that
is often not open, even when the bank is.
Bringing your own medicine
Bring a supply of the medications or medical supplies that work best
for you. This one is especially true if
you're going to Russia in the winter or cold season. Since our body's antibodies and white blood
cells are mostly adjusted to the cold/flu viruses in our own country, they will
often be unaccustomed and defenseless against the cold/flu viruses in the air
of foreign countries like Russia.
Therefore, you are likely to get sick very easily, especially if you
hang around crowded areas or ride in closed train compartments. When this happens, if you don't have your
medications with you, you will deeply regret it because the tablets and syrups
you get in Russian pharmacies (called Apteka) are nowhere near as effective,
and some don't work at all. Therefore,
you would suffer horrendously without any effective treatment. And that could easily ruin or impair your
trip. At that time, you'll be kicking
yourself for not bring that Robitussin or Tylenol Cold that worked for you so
well back home. So don't forget this!
Hospitals
Most hospitals in Russia use crude methods of treatment (don't even
ask) but are so cheap that you can just stand in line in a waiting room and pay
a few dollars to get a visit. However, I
have recently found information about medical centers that give Western-style
medical care, but they are mostly in the big cities. You can find information about these centers
at this site of the American Chamber of Commerce in Russia below:
http://www.amcham.ru/page.php?pageid=129077032227631
It's a good idea to print out the information on that page before going
to Russia, in case you need it.
Laundry
Unfortunately, there aren't really any coin-operated public laundromats
over there. So the only way to do
laundry is to either use the hotel services, wash them yourself by hand, or use
someone's laundry machine in their home.
Most hotels will have laundry services if you ask, and even if they
don't, the concierge or maid on each floor is usually willing to wash them for
you (either by hand or with the machines used for washing bed sheets) for a
negotiated price. You can also wash them
by hand with soap or detergent, but I would avoid this since it's very tedious,
difficult, and often doesn't clean your clothes very well (though it's ok with
socks and underwear) But it's a useful
skill to learn because sometimes during traveling, you may have no choice. You can also ask someone you know to let you
use their laundry machines, but make sure you know this person well, and if
not, then offer them a little money in exchange. However, most people's laundry machines are small
and not designed for big loads.
Public restrooms
I don't like discussing this topic, but some things need to be said
about it. In Russia and other Former
Soviet Union countries, most public restrooms are not free. A collector at the entrance takes a fee of
between 5 and 10 roubles. Now here's
what you should remember. Some of these
public restrooms have NO toilet paper inside them! The thing is, you have to ask for it from the
fee taker before you go in. Otherwise,
if it happens to be the case, and you don't know about it, you may find
yourself in a situation where you need it and it's not there. At that point, it is tedious and inconvenient
to have to go out and ask for it.
Therefore, before going in, ask the fee collector if there is paper in
there or if she has to give some to you.
Just point to the restroom and ask her in an inquisitive tone
"Knega?" (paper) In any case
though, it's best to bring along your own supply of toilet paper tissue, in
case the restrooms don't have any tissue at all. After all, this is Russia and you can't
expect the same efficient quality control methods you are used to in the West.
Packing
Americans tend to have a habit for over-packing and preparing for every
situation. Russians, however, tend to pack
lightly and economically, so they see this American habit as strange. If you're on an extended trip or are going to
many cities though, I would recommend dropping this American habit. The problem is that even if you are taking
taxis or cars, you will often be dragging your luggage across distances,
crowds, walkways, etc. and by then, you will wish you had lighter luggage. And on trains, the corridors are narrow so
large luggage may be difficult to drag through and put in the storage bins
under the seats. It is best to have
either a large backpacker's backpack or one luggage cart with wheels to roll
on. Also have a small backpack or
handbag available for souvenirs or gifts you accumulate. For long trips, pack about 5 changes of
clothes. My suggestion would be to just
bring the bare essentials of what you know you will need, but with things you
may or may not need, if it's something you can probably get there too, then
don't bring it along just to be prepared.
Otherwise, you may regret it later when you find that it is a pain in
the butt to be dragging around things you don't even end up using and not
having room to put your new souvenirs or gifts into.
Showering without hot water
One of the inconveniences of Russia is that during the summer, the
cities often shut down the hot water lines to fix the pipes so that they'll be
operational when winter comes. This
shutoff can last anywhere between a few days or a few weeks, and can be an
inconvenience. Here are some ways I've
dealt with this problem.
First of all, if you're renting an apartment in the area, ask if you
can get one with a "kolonka" in it.
A "kolonka" is a gas heater tank placed in the shower bathtub
that when lit, heats the water going through.
It's simple to operate with matches and levers, and you can ask the
owner or caretaker to show you how to use it.
Sometimes, part of the city will be without hot water, while another
part will continue to have it. If
convenient and economical, you can phone another hotel or hostel in the area
and ask if their hot water is working.
Otherwise, if you're in an apartment without a "kolonka" tank,
you will have to resort to the old fashioned way of boiling the hot water. Simply find a clean pot or bucket, boil
several kettles of hot water, pouring them into the pot/bucket, and then mixing
it with cold water just enough. Then use
a cup or saucepan to shower yourself with the warm water.
If, on the other hand, you're stuck in a hotel or hostel and can't boil
hot water to shower with, then don't worry.
There is still a way to shower without going directly under the cold
water directly (ouch!). Unless you don't
mind taking a cold shower directly, get into the shower with the cold water
running, but don't go under the running cold water. Instead, stand just far enough in front of it
to be out of the water stream. Then, cup
your hands to scoop some of the cold water, and slowly rub every part of your
body with it, to gradually adjust your body to the cold water. When you're done, do the same with the soap,
rubbing yourself all over with the foam lather.
Finally, rinse off the soap with the cupping water by hand method
again. Next, shampoo your hair by just
leaning your head into the cold water stream without putting your whole body
under it. That's it. It's that simple.
Getting a haircut
If you think it's practically impossible to get a good haircut from
someone who can't speak your language, well I've got good news for you. You're wrong :) I thought at first that it would be
impossible too, but there is an easy way to do it. It's similar to the techniques you used to
find your way around Russia. First, you
write down in English on a piece of paper the instructions for how you want
your hair cut, being as specific and descriptive as possible, including details
such as clipper length numbers, sideburn trimmings, etc. Then, take those instructions and have your
hotel receptionist, guide, or any English speaking Russian person translate
them into Russia for you on a piece of paper.
Put that translated note into your pocket, wallet, or somewhere you can
easily remember to find it. Whenever you
need a haircut, just pull out that note, show it to the barber or stylist, and
ask “Panimayish?” Usually, they'll nod
their head and do a good job. That's
it! You can keep that note and use it
whenever you need it again. I used the
same translated note for 5 months of haircuts, in fact.
Oh and many hair styling places, even in Moscow and St. Petersburg, are
dirt cheap and do a good job too. You
can get a basic haircut in most places for 100 to 150 roubles. Just ask around for one.
Visas
You can easily get a one month tourist visa to Russia by applying
directly at the Russian Embassy nearest you.
However, to save yourself the legwork, you can have an internet travel
agency do it for you. It will cost a bit
more because of their fees, but not by much.
One that I and many other would recommend is Go To Russia.net (www.gotorussia.net). They have a good solid reliable reputation
and are most often used by Americans going to Russia. On their site above, there is also a toll
free number you can call if you have any questions. Their staff have always been courteous,
friendly, and efficient, in my experience.
While the one month tourist visa is easy to obtain, anything longer,
such as the longer visas such as the 3 month business visa, 6 month business
visa, 1 year business visa, homestay visa, etc. require more paperwork and
document hassle. For those, it is best
to have an internet travel agency or the inviting institution apply for those
for you.
A tricky issue that sometimes comes up is the problem of whether it is
possible to extend your visa if you need to.
People and organizations will often tell you conflicting things about
this issue. Some are sure you can extend
your visa without leaving Russia and others are sure you can't. I'm still not clear on the dynamics of this
issue, but here's what I've gathered so far.
It seems that it depends on the organization that issued your invitation
letter. Some organizations, if they have
certain roots or connections, have the means to extend your visa by up to two
weeks without you having to leave the country.
Others don't have this power.
(One exception though, is if you become hospitalized or injured to the
point where you can't move or board a plane, in that case the government will
automatically extend your visa.) So if
this might be an issue for you, it's best to speak to the organization who
provided you with your invitation letter about it, or the travel agency that
you used to apply for the visa.
In any case, if you find yourself needing to extend your visa and can't
do it without leaving the country, you can just ride the train or bus to a neighboring
country that you do not need a visa to enter into, such as Latvia, Estonia,
Lithuania, Finland, etc. From there, you
can stay in a hotel or hostel for a while, and use almost any travel agency
there to apply for a new visa back to Russia.
The travel agencies there will always have English speaking staff, and
depending on what you pay, the new visa could take anywhere from a few days to
a week to process. Just to let you know
though, Estonia and Lithuania are generally cheaper places to reside in while
you do this, than Latvia or Finland.
Budget traveling in Moscow
If you're a budget traveler like me (except when out on dates with
girls I want to impress of course :)) you may find Moscow a bit expensive for
your tastes, especially if you stick with the touristy areas, so here's a site
with a lot of useful tips and recommendations.
http://www.cheap-moscow.com/
Cultural differences in
spending and saving money
One of the biggest causes of conflict and misunderstanding between
Russians and Americans is the issue of spending money, especially since many
Russians mistakenly think that all Americans as filthy rich with a bottomless
supply of cash, thanks to the image Hollywood gave them. Americans are taught to spend money wisely
and efficiently, and saving it for future long term use. Russians, however, live for the day and are
more likely to spend their surplus cash without regard for efficiency or
savings. Most of them don't have enough
to save up anyway. And they can better
afford to splurge too, because they don't have the kind of bills and payments
that Americans are used to, so they have no understanding of the pressures
Americans have either! Therefore, both
sides do not understand each other in this area. It is difficult, therefore, for both sides to
respect and understand each other on this issue because of their different
mentalities and conditions.
One thing you need to keep in mind is that no matter what you say, many
Russians see you as rich and always having filthy amounts of spare cash. Therefore, if they see that you are
budgeting, or reserving money aside for tomorrow's expenditures, etc. it looks
like you are stingy or greedy to them. (It should also be noted that the
Russian definition of "greedy" is different than the Western
definition. By Western standards, a
greedy person is someone who has an insatiable desire to acquire wealth, power
or material assets, while by Russian standards, it refers to people who are
economical and who try to withhold spending their money.) Even if you claim that you aren't rich or that
you have limited resources, they still won't believe you. In their minds, if you have money to travel
and visit their country, then you must have plenty of cash to spare at all
times for all situations and all people.
And it doesn't matter if you've already spent a lot of money the day
before or if you will have to spend a lot tomorrow on something else or someone
else, because that's never a factor to them in what you will spend now.
The reasons for this, as far as I've been able to gather, are
several. It's not that they are dumb
about money matters. Their mentality of
it is different from ours because of their environmental and societal
conditions. Many Russians are unable to
comprehend saving or budgeting because they've never made enough money to
utilize those concepts themselves, so they have a hard time relating to your
concept of it, especially when they see you as being a millionaire with lots of
extra cash on you at all times. Also, on
a more abstract metaphysical note, I have been told that it also has to do with
the nature of the Russian soul. I
haven't been able to fully understand that yet, but here is what I surmise in
theory. Russians do not see money in
terms of numbers that are added and subtracted from your wallet or a balance in
your bank account, like we do in the West.
They don't see spending money as losing money. Instead, they see spending as releasing
pockets of energy that are not lost, but just converted into another form or
bounce back to you. In essence, you
could say it's a higher view of reality that takes into account your friends
and loved ones, rather than the individual.
The collective interconnected energy of their group, to them is what
it's all about, rather than just individuals fighting for their own needs. So if this situation arises, try to be
understanding about it and remember that they didn't grow up in the same
conditions as you.
This can create a theoretical dilemma.
On the one hand, you can't be economical or efficient with money without
the risk of appearing stingy or greedy.
On the other hand, since scarcity is real and money is not unlimited,
you also cannot behave as though money is never an issue and is unlimited,
(unless you are super wealthy) or else you will soon lose a lot more than you
planned, or even all of it. Such a
dangerous reckless habit or mentality could bankrupt you easily, as it would
only be a matter of time before reality caught up with you. So the question is, how do you balance the
two? Where do you draw the line? It's not an easy question to answer, and you
will have to make some judgment calls based on the situation. But as I discussed in an above section,
generally if someone treats you like you ought to spend freely, or like you
have an unlimited supply of cash, that is a bad sign. A nice self-respecting person who cares about
you would never do that, regardless of how rich they think you are. So if you are constantly pressured to spend
more than you want to, that is not a good sign about the company you are
in.
The most logical and safe solution I think, is to take a middle ground
rather than one extreme or the other. Be
a little more generous and less economical than you usually are, but not so
much that it gets out of control. Of
course, in reality things are not always so cut and dry, and sometimes the line
between frugality and stinginess will not be clear, nor will it be drawn in the
same place by everyone. In that case,
you will have to rely on your sense of judgment and gut feeling. If you mess up, just learn from your
mistakes, and remember that those who truly care about you will forgive you,
while those who don't aren't worth your time anyway.
If in the presence of Russians, you don't wish to spend your money on
something, don't try to justify it to them by saying that you can't afford it,
or explaining anything about budgeting or saving money. Just simply say you don't want to, and leave
it at that. It's the safest and cleanest
way to do it. Most Russians will not ask
why or pressure you for a reason.
Instead, they will usually just let it go and accept that you have your
own reasons.
Finally, if you find yourself in a situation where you are pressured to
spend money that you don't want to spend, here's a trick you can try. Don't put all your cash in your wallet. As mentioned in the section on carrying cash,
divide your cash up into different locations on yourself so no one knows where
and how much reserve cash you have. Keep
a small amount of cash in your wallet.
Then, if you need to, pretend that you don't have enough cash on you by
taking out your wallet and showing the person that you don't have enough cash
for the situation that he/she is pressuring you to spend for. However, if you find you are constantly in
this kind of situation, you either are hanging out with the wrong people or too
stingy for your own good.
Meeting people
If you're shy or don't know anyone in Russia, don't worry. It's easier to meet people there than you can
imagine, except for maybe Moscow.
Meeting people in Russia is a whole different dimension than it is in
the USA. In America, strangers are
strangers and people don't like to meet you unless it's through an organization
like work, school, clubs, friends, church, etc. and even then, it's not always
easy to get to know them or become a part of their social circles. In a country like Russia on the other hand,
people have the attitude that they like to meet new people, especially
foreigners, and are very direct about it.
Differences arouse curiosity there.
Almost no one is a stranger.
That's the attitude they have. In
fact, when I arrived in a new city in Russia, it would usually only take a few
hours to already know some people, get some contact information, and have plans
that night. Just doing the normal things
will usually create natural, effortless opportunities that get you acquainted
with people. When you see how easy it is,
you will soon become less shy and more direct yourself. People in Russia are totally UN-cliqueish,
which is so refreshing when you're new.
For you guys out there like me, let me share a secret with you. Here is the main difference between meeting
girls in Russia vs. America. In most
parts of America, when you see attractive girls that you want to meet in a
public place, it is a form of silent torture because you can't really do
anything about it. If you go up and try
to meet them, most of the time they will see that as inappropriate and see you
as some kind of creep, resulting in a defensive posture and vibe. This of course, make guys become more shy and
erodes their confidence toward attractive women. In Russia, on the other hand, it's not like that
at all. More often than not, the
attractive girls you see in public that you try to meet will often want to meet
you too, even if they look like models.
And when they give you their number or agree to get together later, they
usually follow through (rather than giving you their number and then screening
out your calls like many American girls do).
And even if they aren't interested in meeting you, at least they don't
make you feel like you are doing anything inappropriate, so you don't feel like
you've lost anything or violated anything.
And besides, there are enough girls there that want to meet you anyway,
to keep you motivated and confident enough to keep trying all the time. Therefore, you don't feel the torture of
seeing an attractive woman and not being able to do anything about it. Now guys, which attitude would you prefer
from attractive women?
Calling Russia from abroad
(Introducing Winston's
calling card shop!)
If you make regular phone calls to Russia, here is the cheapest way to
do it that I've found besides calling through the internet. You can buy prepaid internet calling cards
online that give you much lower rates than your long distance phone
provider. There are many of them online,
but the cheapest ones I've found so far are from Masterbell
(www.masterbell.com). Their rates to
Russia, for example, are 3 cents per minute to Moscow and St. Petersburg, and 6
cents to the rest of Russia, with a 2 cent per minute surcharge if you live in
an area where you have to use a toll free access number. (The site will tell
you) Now that is dirt cheap for
sure! The interface on the site is also
super easy to use, and virtually hassle free too.
Now, I have an affiliate account through Masterbell, so if you use my
link instead, it will help me earn credits toward free calling cards to
use. So, if you feel that you've benefited
from my advice and tips, then you can help me out by using the link to my
calling card shop to order these prepaid calling cards, instead of the main
one. The rates and costs are all exactly
the same as the main site, and therefore you'd sacrifice nothing in helping me
earn credits. Here is the link:
http://callrussia.pushline.com
It will take you to "Winston's Calling Card Shop". Once there, everything is
self-explanatory. Just select the
countries you're calling to and from to get the list of rates and calling cards
available. There are also great rates to
Europe and Asia, as well as domestic US rates of 2 cents a minute
nationwide. Anyone should be able to use
the site with no problem, but if you do, feel free to email me with any questions
at WWu777@aol.com.
Getting used to a new image
and status level
Finally, I hate to sound pretentious, but in Russia/Ukraine and the
surrounding countries, you'd better get used to being as a status symbol of
power and wealth. This means you'll be
getting attention in both good and bad ways, that you may not be used to back
in your own country back home (if your status in your own country is average or
below that is). Beautiful women out of
your league will be giving you more attention and interest, and greedy scammers
will be singling you out as a bigger target as well. Some hate the extra attention, while others
thrive on it. But you'll be getting it
whether you like it or not, so be prepared for it. It is inevitable, unless you
are totally able to blend in as a local, looking like one and having the accent
of one (which for most foreigners would be impossible). People who are very private may hate this
kind of attention, while those with social inadequacies in their home
countries, or who love attention and socializing, may love it.
Now, it doesn't matter whether you really are rich or not, because in
THEIR MINDS, you are rich, at least in comparison to the average person in
Russia. (Some of this perception is
fostered by Hollywood too, of course.)
And it won't make a difference if you tell people there that you aren't
rich or that you're poor. They won't
believe you and will think that you are either being modest, or trying to cop
out of spending money. So either way,
you'd better get used to it. :)
And of course, beside being a symbol of higher status, your status as a
foreigner has novelty appeal as well, as there are still many Russians
(especially outside the big cities) who have never met a foreigner before. To them, you are their chance to meet one,
ask questions about other countries, or practice their English.
Helpful and Useful Links
If you have questions or need information that wasn't addressed in my
article, you can email me at WWu777@aol.com.
However, I've put most of what I know here, so if it's not here, I
probably won't know and can only give you educated guesses. For more help or information, here are some
links you might want to check out.
The most reputable and widely used travel agency in America to arrange your
trip to Russia or Ukraine. Full service
including airfare bookings, visa support services, etc.
www.gotorussia.net
Website for ex-pats living in Moscow
www.expat.ru
Sites with general travel information about Russia. Some operate as travel agencies too.
www.travel-in-russia.com
www.russia.com
www.traveltorussia.com
www.unclepasha.com (includes personalized guide and insider tips on
Moscow)
www.destinationrussia.com
http://www.lonelyplanet.com/destinations/europe/russia/
Site to help you find or buy low-priced airfare to Russia
www.cheaptickets.com
www.priceline.com
www.skyauction.com
www.lowestfare.com
http://www.qixo.com
www.farefinder.com (This site lets you look up the fares of all the
major airlines for your route, listing them all on one page for you!)
* In any case, I cannot list
every site with useful information, so the best thing to do is to go to
Yahoo.com or Google.com and type in the search box "Travel in Russia"
or whatever search words you need, and it will bring up many websites with
information and help.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winston's
Tips on Dating Russian Women
Contents
Dispelling the myths
Visiting one woman vs.
visiting many
Geographic considerations
and factors
Translating the
correspondence with Russian women
The human nature tendency to
believe the worst
Deciding whether to use a
translator on a first date
Cultural differences in
spending and saving money
Escorting your date with
taxis
The rule of progressively
elaborate dates
Flowers on a first date?
Analysis of the infamous 3-5
date sex rule
Gauging her level of
interest in you
Good and bad signs
Scientific courting
strategies
* How to handle beautiful or
model-like women (Important!)
A common lie from a gold
digger or user
Be wary of snoochers and
pure-takers
The line between custom and
inappropriateness
Meeting women in Russia
Bringing your Russian woman
to your country
Calling your Russian woman
from abroad
(Introducing Winston's
calling card shop!)
Helpful Links and Reputable
Agencies
Dispelling the myths
First of all, if you are still under myths such as that Russian women
are desperate to leave their country and American men seeking Russian women are
losers, make sure to read the info. on this site first so you can learn the
truth about all that.
http://www.womenrussia.com/myths.htm
And even if you don't harbor those kind of myths, it's a good read for
background information anyway.
Visiting one woman vs.
visiting many
This is a common dilemma that Westerners encounter or soon face when
beginning the process of corresponding with Russian women. It has also been discussed in many articles,
discussion lists, boards, etc. The issue
is whether one should correspond and develop relations with one woman at a
time, or several at once. The
abbreviated terms on the internet for these two methods are WOVO (Write One
Visit One) and WMVM (Write Many Visit Many).
There are no absolute rules of course, but here is what I have learned
regarding this issue.
Most men (and especially marriage agencies since they have a vested
interest in it) suggest the WMVM approach.
The rationale is simple. If
"you put all your eggs in one basket", you are taking a big unwarranted
risk and could end up being disappointed and wasting a lot of time and money in
the process. It just doesn't seem
sensible to put all your chips on one person, especially if you haven't met her
yet. Besides, there are just too many
horror stories of men who went to only visit one woman he corresponded with,
only to have things not work out, and then he realizes he bet all his chips on
her for nothing and has to start the process all over again. Therefore, it seems more sensible to
correspond with several ladies, and visit them all on one trip to narrow down
the field. This way, it ups the odds in
your favor and broadens your choices, giving you more "backups" if
things don't work out with certain ladies.
However, this can be seen as unethical and make you look sort of like a
"cheating two-timer" in the eyes of some (particularly women), and
some men's conscience won't allow them to do it that way. Hence, the dilemma.
In addition, one runs the risk of spreading oneself too thin if he
visits too many women at once. And if
visiting them in the same city, there is the risk of them finding out about
each other, which would be a big time embarassing disaster. Still, the consensus of most experienced
people is that before going to Russia or Ukraine, you at least narrow down the
field to about 3 ladies with high compatibility potential. That seems to be the general wisdom you'll
find from most advisers in this area. I
would agree with this advice in general, as I believe that you aren't required
to be exclusively faithful to someone until you've met them and spent some time
together. Therefore, my own suggestion
is to use the WMVM method but narrowing it down to a few good potential
prospects, with perhaps some "backup" women or introduction agencies
to call if none of them work out or you find yourself with some extra time on
your hands.
However, if you find that your conscience prevents you from using the
WMVM method, and you only feel comfortable with the WOVO approach, then I would
suggest that you at least bring contact information with you for some
marriage/dating introduction agencies in the area you will be in. That way, if things don't work out, you can
call them to arrange on-the-spot introductions or other services, so that you
can meet and date other prospects. And
even if you're using the WMVM approach, it's good to have this contact
information ready on hand anyway, since you never know when you might need it.
In fact, just put all the contact information you need in a word
processing document, print it out to carry with you in hard copy form (though
don't let any of the ladies see it!), then put it on a disk to carry with you
as backup, and finally upload it as a file to your email account as well so you
can retrieve it from any internet cafe.
I usually format them out like this:
Russian woman's full name
Telephone number
Email address
Home address
Location, City
Any other miscellaneous
notes you need to make about her
Introduction agency name
Telephone number
Email address
Address, location, city
Staff to contact
Etc. Etc.
You can do it your own way, but you get the idea. Do this for everyone you know in Russia whom
you might need to contact for any situation, including lawyers, old friends,
other ex-pats you know, people with information on apartment rates, hotel
rates, translator guides, etc. You never
know when you might be in a situtation where you need to contact them. And as you meet more people there and develop
more contacts, add their contact info to your list either by hand or typing.
Geographic factors and
considerations
Although no one claims that all people in one region are the same,
there are geographical differences that one should consider in regards to
Russian women. After all, it would be
just as foolhardy to claim that everyone is the same everywhere you go
(something usually uttered by people who don't travel much......) I've always found that denying differences
between people has to do with ethical values rather than factual observations
anyway.
The consensus among most men as well as my own experience, is that the
women in Moscow and St. Petersburg are more Westernized, modernized,
materialistic-minded, and spoiled than the women in the smaller cities. You won't be as much of a novelty to them
since they have been much more exposed to foreigners. In addition, the women in Moscow and St.
Petersburg tend to be from a more upper income level, so their social class is
higher than average in Russia, as well as their demands. On the other hand, the women outside Moscow
and St. Petersburg tend to be less spoiled, more pure and wholesome, and have
deeper values and character. Many of
these women will see you as a fascinating novelty, since they rarely see foreigners,
and thus be much more open and friendly to you.
Others will just relish the chance to practice their English.
Therefore, it is usually advised if you're seeking a Russian woman to
go to the smaller cities, where the women are better wife-material. And based on my experience of being in 9
Russian cities, I would have to agree.
In Moscow, a very high percentage of women are stuck up, snobby, and
less approachable. But in my experience,
St. Petersburg isn't as bad as that, and I would say the women there are
somewhere in between Moscow and the smaller cities. In my estimation, 5 - 10 percent of the women
I met in Moscow responded positively or with curiosity toward me, while out in
the other cities like Izhevsk, Kazan, or Volgograd, that percentage was between
50 and 90 percent! That's a huge
noticeable difference. So there is no
use in pretending that people are the same in all areas, just because it's more
ethical or politically correct to do so.
Again, keep in mind that these are not absolutes. Occassionally in Moscow and St. Petersburg,
you will meet nice quality women who are friendly, curious, or interested in
you, of course. It's just that the
percentages of it happening there are much LOWER than in other cities. That's all I'm saying. And you will find many materialistic gold
diggers in the smaller cities as well.
Of course, there are gold diggers lurking in all cities of Russia, so be
aware of that. I just wanted you to be
aware of the tendencies and patterns that are a factor here, based on many
people's observations and experience, including mine. The reasons for these differences probably
have to do with culture, upbringing, environment, and living conditions.
Translating correspondences
with Russian women
A lot of basic advice has been written about the subject of
corresponding with Russian women, especially on marriage agency websites, so I
won't rehash what they usually tell you, but I will add a few things they don't
usually tell you.
If you are corresponding with a Russian woman who doesn't know much
English and you have her direct email address, you can use a free online
translation program to translate your and her letters. The best one I've found is at
http://translation2.paralink.com. It is
a trial program though, so it only translates a medium sized paragraph at a
time, but you can use it unlimited. For
longer letters, you will just have to copy and paste bits of text at a time in
and out of the program. You can also
translate Russian websites into English through that site, by clicking on the
URL mode button. Keep in mind though,
that translation programs are imperfect and often make many mistakes in
translation. Here are a few tips on
minimizing these translation mistakes though.
1) Keep sentence structures and grammar as simple as possible, as if
you were writing to a child, being careful to be simple and clear.
2) Avoid words that have more than one possible meaning, because the
translator will often translate a different meaning of it than the one you
intended. For example, rather than
saying "I am like a tiger", say "I am similar to a
tiger". So when writing a letter to
be computer translated, check every word to make sure it has only one meaning,
and change the ones that don't or rephrase the sentence another way.
Finally, watch out for this common scam tactic. If a woman you're corresponding with falls
madly in love with you too quickly, telling you how much she loves you, dreams
about you, thinks about you, etc. and flatters you unusually, then watch
out! She may very well be setting you up
to ask you for money later, either to pay for her visa to come see you (not
possible) or to help a sick relative.
It's another form of the oldest trick in the book where someone attempts
to hype up your emotions to the point where your clear-thinking senses are
subdued, so you will just go along with whatever comes next. As you well know, sales people, advertisers,
multi-level marketing recruiters, preachers, and scam artists use this tactic
all the time. It's a classic
brainwashing trick, and no different with Russian women who want to scam you.
The human nature tendency to
believe the worst
I can't believe how often I have to tell this to people. People tend to want to remember and believe
the worst about others. It's human
nature for some reason. For example, if
you do nine good things and one bad thing, people will focus on and remember
that one bad thing. And they will assume
that the one bad thing reflects the REAL you, while the nine good things
earlier were a fake cover up. That is
totally untrue and illogical, yet that is how most people view things. Be FAIR people! Don't think like that and don't let human
nature cloud your judgement like that.
Look at the big picture. Don't
just focus on the negative. If someone
does nine good things and one bad thing, assume for now that they are 90
percent good and 10 percent bad. That is
the logical way to view it, which while not necessarily accurate is much better
than the common human nature way of viewing it!
Also, if you are corresponding with a Russian woman, and she sends you
one beautiful gorgeous photo of herself, and then you see one terrible photo of
her that looks the exact opposite, DO NOT assume that the bad photo represents
the way she really looks and the good photo was a fake distortion! Chances are, her true appearance is somewhere
near the MIDDLE of those two photos! The
more pictures you see of her, the better idea you'll get of what she probably
really looks like. And remember, at
least half the people in this world do not look like their photos. Even before I went to Russia, I knew this
from experience of meeting many girls from online. Therefore, keep that in mind before you
instinctually judge someone from their photo.
As a matter of fact, I should tell you that most of the Russian women I
met looked much better than their photos.
Deciding whether to use a
translator on a first date
When dating Russian women from marriage or dating agencies, the issue
of whether to use a translator on the first date will often come up. In fact, the agencies will usually offer it
to you, so they can make some extra money.
Whether to bring one on a first date or not is a tricky issue, and I
can't give a firm yes or no answer. But
here are some things to consider.
If you aren't confident of your communication skills, and are meeting a
lady who can't speak any English, then it may help you feel more comfortable to
bring a translator. However, there are
some pitfalls to using a translator on your first date to consider, which I've
noticed. 1) First, some women depend so
much on the translator, that they only talk to him/her and rarely even look at
you. This makes the date very awkward,
and you even feel like you're dating the translator rather than your date. And it also makes it hard for you to read the
lady's body language as well, since it's mostly geared toward the translator
rather than to you. 2) Second, it makes
the date more like a crowded three than a romantic two. 3) Third, as I mentioned above, the purpose
of the first date is to see if there is enough chemistry or attraction for a
second date. A translator will not
usually make a difference in that (though some may disagree with me). Chemistry and attraction tend to be
subjective things, and finding out more basic facts about each other isn't
usually going to influence that. 4)
Finally, if there is no chemistry and no second date, then the money you spent
on the translator would have been a waste, since you could have found out the
same thing without one.
Therefore, what I suggest is that if you can deal with the basic
communication, save the translator for subsequent dates, when you two have more
serious and in-depth things to talk about.
Cultural differences in
spending and saving money
One of the biggest causes of conflict and misunderstanding between
Russians and Americans is the issue of spending money, especially since many
Russians mistakenly think that all Americans as filthy rich with a bottomless
supply of cash, thanks to the image Hollywood gave them. Americans are taught to spend money wisely
and efficiently, and saving it for future long term use. Russians, however, live for the day and are
more likely to spend their surplus cash without regard for efficiency or
savings. Most of them don't have enough
to save up anyway. And they can better
afford to splurge too, because they don't have the kind of bills and payments
that Americans are used to, so they have no understanding of the pressures
Americans have either! Therefore, both
sides do not understand each other in this area. It is difficult, therefore, for both sides to
respect and understand each other on this issue because of their different
mentalities and conditions.
One thing you need to keep in mind is that no matter what you say, many
Russians see you as rich and always having filthy amounts of spare cash. Therefore, if they see that you are
budgeting, or reserving money aside for tomorrow's expenditures, etc. it looks
like you are stingy or greedy to them. (It should also be noted that the
Russian definition of "greedy" is different than the Western
definition. By Western standards, a
greedy person is someone who has an insatiable desire to acquire wealth, power
or material assets, while by Russian standards, it refers to people who are economical
and who try to withhold spending their money.)
Even if you claim that you aren't rich or that you have limited
resources, they still won't believe you.
In their minds, if you have money to travel and visit their country,
then you must have plenty of cash to spare at all times for all situations and
all people. And it doesn't matter if
you've already spent a lot of money the day before or if you will have to spend
a lot tomorrow on something else or someone else, because that's never a factor
to them in what you will spend now.
The reasons for this, as far as I've been able to gather, are
several. It's not that they are dumb
about money matters. Their mentality of
it is different from ours because of their environmental and societal conditions. Many Russians are unable to comprehend saving
or budgeting because they've never made enough money to utilize those concepts
themselves, so they have a hard time relating to your concept of it, especially
when they see you as being a millionaire with lots of extra cash on you at all
times. Also, on a more abstract
metaphysical note, I have been told that it also has to do with the nature of
the Russian soul. I haven't been able to
fully understand that yet, but here is what I surmise in theory. Russians do not see money in terms of numbers
that are added and substracted from your wallet or a balance in your bank
account, like we do in the West. They
don't see spending money as losing money.
Instead, they see spending as releasing pockets of energy that are not
lost, but just converted into another form or bounce back to you. In essence, you could say it's a higher view
of reality that takes into account your friends and loved ones, rather than the
individual. The collective
interconnected energy of their group, to them is what it's all about, rather
than just individuals fighting for their own needs. So if this situation arises, try to be
understanding about it and remember that they didn't grow up in the same
conditions as you.
In regards to dating, I have been told by many that to a Russian woman,
the biggest turn-off is a man who appears stingy to them. Some women even see the word
"economical" as a bad word, believe it or not, especially since they
assume that a foreigner always has plenty of cash to spare. According to my Russian friend Alina, in
Russian culture a man with a woman must behave like the following. "When he spends money, he must not show
any remorse or displeasure on his face.
Instead, he must appear generous and happy, even if he is giving his
last ten roubles. That is what a woman
likes to see."
This can create a theoretical dilemma.
On the one hand, you can't be economical or efficient with money without
the risk of appearing stingy or greedy.
On the other hand, since scarcity is real and money is not unlimited,
you also cannot behave as though money is never an issue and is unlimited,
(unless you are super wealthy) or else you will soon lose a lot more than you
planned, or even all of it. Such a
dangerous reckless habit or mentality could bankrupt you easily, as it would
only be a matter of time before reality caught up with you. So the question is, how do you balance the
two? Where do you draw the line? It's not an easy question to answer, and you
will have to make some judgment calls based on the situation. But as I discussed in an above section,
generally if someone treats you like you ought to spend freely, or like you
have an unlimited supply of cash, that is a bad sign. A nice self-respecting person who cares about
you would never do that, regardless of how rich they think you are. So if you are constantly pressured to spend
more than you want to, that is not a good sign about the company you are in.
The most logical and safe solution I think, is to take a middle ground
rather than one extreme or the other. Be
a little more generous and less economical than you usually are, but not so
much that it gets out of control. Of
course, in reality things are not always so cut and dry, and sometimes the line
between frugality and stinginess will not be clear, nor will it be drawn in the
same place by everyone. In that case,
you will have to rely on your sense of judgment and gut feeling. If you mess up, just learn from your
mistakes, and remember that those who truly care about you will forgive you,
while those who don't aren't worth your time anyway.
If in the presence of Russians, you don't wish to spend your money on
something, don't try to justify it to them by saying that you can't afford it,
or explaining anything about budgeting or saving money. Just simply say you don't want to, and leave
it at that. It's the safest and cleanest
way to do it. Most Russians will not ask
why or pressure you for a reason.
Instead, they will usually just let it go and accept that you have your
own reasons.
Finally, if you find yourself in a situation where you are pressured to
spend money that you don't want to spend, here's a trick you can try. Don't put all your cash in your wallet. As mentioned in the section on carrying cash,
divide your cash up into different locations on yourself so no one knows where
and how much reserve cash you have. Keep
a small amount of cash in your wallet.
Then, if you need to, pretend that you don't have enough cash on you by
taking out your wallet and showing the person that you don't have enough cash
for the situation that he/she is pressuring you to spend for. However, if you find you are constantly in
this kind of situation, you either are hanging out with the wrong people or too
stingy for your own good.
Here are some good rules of thumb to follow that were suggested to me,
which seemed to work well for me.
Escorting your date with
taxis
If you are with a Russian woman, it looks bad to her, even if she is a
nice good person, to be bargaining with the taxi driver in front of her. Not only do men need to appear generous in
front of a Russian lady, but they need to appear not concerned about money,
regardless of whether they are rich or poor.
And it embarrasses some Russian ladies to be next to a guy who is
bargaining. Therefore, if a driver
attempts to scam you, then you are caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, the driver is giving you an
inflated price because you are a foreigner with extra cash to spare for
them. But you can't defend yourself
against it because it looks bad to the Russian lady with you. So what do you? It's not an easy dilemma to resolve. But here's what I would try. Don't have the Russian lady talk to the
driver first (although it's tempting to just let her tell him the
destination). Instead, you tell or show
the driver your destination, asking your woman's help if needed, and then
negotiate from there, but be quick about it.
If you don't take too long, it won't look as bad to her. That's all I can say.
Oh and one more thing. Most
Russian women are accustomed to walking and have strong feet (some even have
blisters and veins on their feet to show for it :)). They are accustomed to taking buses, trolley,
minivan buses, or metros and therefore won't have a problem with it. But there are a few though, who are too lazy
to walk, ride buses or take the metro, and think they are princesses who
deserve the high class treatment of riding taxis. In this case, you will have to make a
decision as to whether you want to pay the price of keeping her, and if she's
worth it. Normally, it's best to use
both forms of transportation. For
example, using buses and metros in the day when there's time to walk and
sightsee, and using taxis at night after a long day when both of you are
tired. However, there are some women who
will ONLY ride taxis, and they are usually the same ones who like to order wine
all the time too. That's when you have
to make a judgement call about whether you want to expend the resources to keep
someone like that or not. If you're not
on a budget and are only there for a week or two, then it may not matter to
you. Otherwise, it's another story.
The rule of progressively
elaborate dates
On a first date with a Russian woman, you should keep it simple. Unless you are sure that you two are hitting
it off well, try to avoid restaurants, wine, or expensive things. Instead, keep it simple by going for a walk,
getting ice cream, sitting down at a cafe for drinks or snacks, etc. Here is why.
The purpose of the first date is to see if there is enough chemistry
between you two for a second date.
Sometimes there will be enough chemistry or attraction for a second
date. Other times, there won't. If there's no chemistry or she pretends to
like you and doesn't show up for a second date, then there would be no point in
having an elaborate first date. The
money you spent on the restaurant, wine, etc. would have been wasted and meaningless. With a nice normal woman, how much money you
spend on the first date will not be a factor in whether there is a second date
or not. (Remember you want to find someone who likes you for you)
Therefore, spending a lot of money on a first date is not
necessary. Instead, if there is some
chemistry and attraction between you do which leads to a second date, then you
can start making it more elaborate each time.
With each subsequent date, if things are going well, be more generous
each time. After all, it will have been
warranted. Being creative and romantic
is nice too.
Flowers on a first date?
In regards to giving her flowers, some will advise you to bring flowers
with you on a first date in order to make a good impression. However, I disagree with that because in my experience,
I have never seen flowers make a difference in how well a first date went. After all, if there's no chemistry, flowers
are not going to create chemistry or attraction. And if there is chemistry, not bringing
flowers will not make things any less either.
Therefore, I think it is best to bring flowers later on down the line if
you continue seeing each other. If you
do, it seems more special to her and she seems to appreciate it more, because
you will have waited to show your affection and appreciation of her, and
therefore it becomes more meaningful.
Also, remember that in Russia, you have to buy a woman an odd number of
flower stems, because even number ones are for funerals. Usually, the florist will know this and only
sell you them in sets of 1, 3, 5, etc., but keep it in mind anyway.
Analysis of the infamous 3-5
date sex rule
Although I try to keep this article rated G, I feel I should address an
issue regarding physical affection and intimacy. Now, we all know that each woman has her own
style and timing (based on her preferences, comfort level, experiences, values,
maturity, etc.) regarding expressing physical intimacy to a man she is involved
with. However, there are some guys out
there who have been to Russia, who frequently advise on the internet some
time/action rules. One of these infamous
rules is called "The Five Date Sex Rule". It states that "If a Russian woman
you're dating doesn't have sex with you within five dates, then there is a
greater than 50 percent chance that she's not interested, so you should dump
her and move on." Even a friend and
advisor of mine frequently advocates this rule.
And some even have a "Three Date Sex Rule" that they
follow. It's a big guy thing, especially
among the American online male population, as no mature adult I know in real
life advocates such a thing.
I should note first though, that those who advocate this are NOT
suggesting that one should pressure a woman for sex, and if she doesn't
"put out" within five dates, to dump her. Rather, the rationale behind this is that if
there is some real romantic interest going on, then sex should naturally happen
in a mutual manner within five dates.
The aim of this rule is to help the guy use his time in the most
efficient manner possible, because since the average guy only has a few weeks
off from work to go to Russia, he can't afford to waste precious time on
someone if it's going nowhere.
Therefore, the architects behind this rule intend for it to help weed
out the field to find the best single match for the seeker in a time-efficient
manner
However, to tell you the truth, this rule is not only inaccurate in its
assumptions about human relations, but potentially harmful as well. First of all, it is quite presumptuous to
assume that if sex doesn't happen within five dates, that there is a greater
than 50 percent chance that she's not interested in you. That is jumping the gun big time. And there is simply no basis for that. Time/action rules such as this may help
confirm someone's feelings for you, but they don't "rule out"
anything. (See Elena's analysis below) And as mentioned above (and below as
well), the best indicators of a woman's interest in you is her body language,
vibes, and pheromones that she puts out.
And like I mentioned in a previous section, most Russian women who are
interested in you will take your arm or hand within three dates.
Almost no woman, even the most blunt truthful ones, would ever advocate
such a rule. In fact, they see it as the
most laughable and preposterous thing they've ever heard, and they aren't
saying that just to save face either, as some ignorant males will claim in
order to rationalize contrary opinions away and protect their rule. Second, such a rule can be potentially
harmful, because regardless of what its proponents intended, it can lead many
guys to attempt to satisfy this criteria by pressuring their date to have sex
within five dates. This can not only
jeopardize the relationship, but even if sex happens within five dates, it says
nothing about the long term status of the relationship, since many couples
break up or dumped each other soon after sex.
(It should be noted though, that in general older women in their 30's
and 40's tend to be willing to have sex much sooner in a relationship then
younger women in their teens and 20's, because they are more experienced and
more comfortable with their sexuality, whereas younger women with less
experience tend to be more hung up and hesitant about sex.)
Elena, author of www.womenrussia.com, put it best in her analysis of
this rule in an email to me which she allowed to be posted. As a Russian woman herself and owner of her
own introduction agency, she is a credible authority with plenty of experience
regarding American men/Russian women relationships. Therefore, she is very qualified to comment
on this as well. Her analysis alone
demonstrates this. Here is what she
said.
"Winston,
I will answer your questions
and yes, you can post my answers, with the link
to my site.
Winston:
>>The owner of the
list and some of the men said that when searching for a
wife in Russia and dating a
RW, you should follow a rule called "The 5 Date Sex
Rule" which says that
if you don't have sex within 5 dates, that she probably
isn't interested in you, and
you should not continue wasting your precious
time. They claim the rule
works and separates the disinterested from the real
potential wives. The theory
is that if there is enough real chemistry between
you two, then sex should
naturally happen within five dates.
However, I have asked some
RW about this and most of them said that it was a
horrible idea and that they
would not have sex with someone even if they were
madly in love with him, in
only 5 dates.
What is your opinion on
this?<<
Sex on a first or second
date with a Russian woman will usually only
constitute she is stupid or
was very drunk, or that the man was very insistent,
up to physical pressure. Sex
on the first or second date will usually be
perceived as inappropriate
by the woman, and she will feel very uncomfortable
about it, so sex early in
relationship may be detrimental for the future of your
relationship.
How soon sex will happen
when dating a Russian woman, depends mostly on the
insistency and experience of
the man. If a man is not very experienced and
insistent, sex may not
happen even after 10 or 20 dates. From the other hand, if
the man is insistent, a
Russian woman may give in without being really
interested in him, and
pressurizing a woman about sex can have a negative impact
on the relationship, since
Russian women are used to Russian men who are only
interested in sex without
commitment, and may decide you are the same type.
An inexperienced woman will
never have sex with a man within 5 dates. "The 5
date sex rule" may
eliminate a large pool of really interested decent women
but accept disinterested
women with vast experience that "do not consider sex as
a good enough reason to
exchange names" (Russian joke). I have heard from men
who were surprised when
their yesterday's sexual partners did not want to
know them today.
So sex on its own is NOT a
definite indication of how attracted the woman is
to you.
The real indication is her
body language. If she unconsciously reciprocates
your body language (moves
forward when you move towards her, smiles back when
you smile at her, takes you
"under the arm" when you walk together (crossing
your and her elbows), sits
close to you in public places, is relaxed and seems
to be at ease even when you
make awful mistakes, and always tries to help you -
then she is attracted to
you. If she, vice versa, moves back when you move
forward, crosses her legs
and arms when you move closer to her, looks away when
you look at her, tries not
to sit close to you in public places, is irritated
with minor things and seems
to be unhappy or indifferent, and does not help
you out even when you really
need it - then she is not attracted to you.
With those clear body
language and personality disposition indications, I do
not think one needs
"The 5 date sex rule" to detect if a woman is physically
attracted to him or not.
Again, with Russian women that are used to comply with
dominant men, sex may not
indicate a strong physical attraction but rather
her compliance with an
unspoken Russian rule that if a woman agreed on a date
with the man, she should pay
him back for what he did for her (a dinner, a
movie, etc), or she will be
considered as a teaser (if she did not like the guy,
she should not go out with
him at all). In this case, if a man insists on sex,
she may comply only because
of this cultural paradigm. A woman with gentle
disposition may comply with
the man's request for sex only because of that,
while she only goes out with
this particular man because he is a guest and a
guest should be cared for
and should not be left to his mercy, even if she is
not interested in him at
all. So she cannot simply send him to hell and has to
go out with him, and once
she goes out with him, she feels obliged to comply if
he insists on sex.
Since you have limited time
for a meeting, and women ARE sexually curious
about you (many women
suspect there may be something wrong with a man if he has
never been married after the
age of 30, or if he lived alone for many years
without a girlfriend), a woman
will usually try to arrange a possibility for a
romantic encounter before
you leave, but it may happen only 1 or 2 days before
your departure.
So I would forfeit this
"The 5 date sex rule" and rather learn body language;
to advance your knowledge, read
any book on the subject, there are dozens
available on Amazon.
>>>Also, on a
second issue, the owner of the list also claims that if a RW
you're dating doesn't
introduce you to her family and friends after a few dates,
then it is a red flag or bad
sign. I don't understand the logic of this,
since I feel that women will
introduce you to their family or friends when they
feel ready or when they feel
that there is something serious. Why should a
woman decide whether she is
serious about you or not after just a few dates?
What is your opinion on
this? <<
This is closer to home.
Introducing you to her family does constitute woman's
serious intentions, unless
it were you who insisted on seeing them.
Introducing to friends is an
indication, too, but not as strong and explicit,
since many women do not
disclose their search for a foreign partner to their
friends, except the closest
ones. The reasons for that are many: from feeling
inadequate because she
failed to find a partner in "normal" way, to jealousy and
possible fear that a friend
may "steal" the man. Also I have heard about women
who were fired from their
jobs or declined promotions on the base that she would
anyway leave soon, since she
is looking for a partner abroad, so she is not
going to work hard for the
company. Since it is only about 4-5% of women that
seek partners abroad that
succeed in their search, it is understandable most
women conceal their search
for a foreign partner from their friends. Personally,
I only told my friends that
I was leaving when I had the visa in my passport.
Until then, only 2 of my
closest friends and my mother were aware of my search.
The faster a woman
introduces you to her family, the more serious she is
about you. If she does not
offer to introduce you to her family that lives in
the same city, and you has
left the city without being introduced to her family,
this is a very strong
indication she is not seriously interested in you, or has
something to hide (for
example, has a stable lover, known to her parents).
Unless she is ashamed of her
parents (can happen too), this is not a good sign.
Since you have limited time
for a meeting, a woman will usually want to
introduce you at least to
her parents (or to the parent she is closer to, if
parents are divorced),
before you leave.
Anyway, first of all, look
for the body language to detect the woman's
interest; this is the most
powerful and revealing indication. In a case if a
woman tries to
"close" herself to you (constantly crosses her arms and legs,
when you are together) and
is irritated with minor things, this is the sure
indication she is NOT
genuinely attracted to you, even if you had sex and she
introduced you to her family
and friends.
Sincerely
Elena Petrova
RUSSIAN BRIDES CYBER GUIDE
http://www.womenrussia.com
W: Then in my follow up
email, I asked her this:
<<By the way, I
understand your points, but the premise of the 5 date sex
rule is that IF a woman
REALLY likes you as a boyfriend or husband, then she
will not mind having sex within
5 dates. What do you think of this premise?>>
Her reply was this:
It again depends on THE
woman.
And a man will have to put
some pressure on her to have sex, she herself will
not jump on him, unless she
is very drunk.
This pressure may be not
well taken by a less experienced girl.
She seeks a husband, not a
sexual endeavor. If you leave the town within 5
days, then 5-day rule will
be valid. If you leave in 2 weeks, you cannot hope
she will be happy to have
sex within 5 days.
Also, depends on how good
you already knew each other before you met (you
probably already had virtual
or phone sex, then the 5-day rule may be valid) and
how well you can communicate
in each other's language, and how much time you
are spending together. If
you can freely communicate, and you meet at a
Caribbean holiday resort,
sex will happen faster than where you can hardly
communicate and meet each
other once a day for a dinner at her home town.
Again, it is about quality.
I believe such "rules" as the quoted
5-dates-sex-rule are
dangerous. Men should not feel under pressure to get sex
within 5 dates; they can
easily spoil everything, and not every man can request
sex in an acceptable for
women manner. Men are in much better of just being
themselves, and allowing
things to develop naturally. If a girl shows the right
body language, then the man
will know when it is the right time for sex, when
the situation arises. If
there is no right body language, then he should not
even bother with sex
requests, this will anyway end up in vain.
Sincerely
Elena Petrova
RUSSIAN BRIDES CYBER GUIDE
http://www.womenrussia.com
Gauging her level of
interest in you
In regards to whether she likes you or not, according to experts I
talked to, body language is the most important tell tale sign. You can't just just rely on what she says,
since some women pretend to like you to be polite, telling you that they had a
great time and that you're interesting, promising a second date, etc. but then suddenly
they don't show up for the next date or follow through, or even avoiding your
phone calls. But body language doesn't
lie. If while with you, she shows an
open posture, leans toward you, has diluted pupils while gazing at you, etc.
then those are good signs. On the other
hand, if she has a closed posture, always folds her arms while walking, leans
away from you, gets irritated by little things, etc. then those are bad
signs. Remember to look for patterns,
not just one or two examples.
Also, if someone likes you or is attracted to you, they put out certain
vibes and pheromones which you can sense.
The best way I would describe it is this. When someone is interested in you, you will
feel that their energy is being directed toward you. But if they're not, then you feel like their
energy is being directed away from you or kept at a distance. That's the best way I can put it. Those with a lot of experience in dating and
human relations, are able to pick up on these kind of things. Therefore, body language, vibes, and
pheromones are much better indicators of a woman's interest level in you, than
the words she says (which could just be uttered out of tactful
politeness). So you should learn to read
and sense them.
Finally, I would say that in most cases, if she is interested in you,
she will at least be taking your arm, holding your hand, or kissing you
goodnight, by the third date. You've
probably heard the saying "actions speak louder than words". Well it's true, but be careful not to
misinterpret another's actions or jump to conclusions either.
Good and bad signs
While you are dating potential mates, it is wise to watch for and learn
how to detect and read good and bad signs about a person's intentions and
character. Several of them have already been
described in other parts of this article already, so it wouldn't do any good to
mention them again.
Instead, I strongly recommend reading the list of behavioral signs and
red flags at the article at the site below.
It was written by Jack Brendan, owner of an introduction agency in
Volgograd, as part of the FAQ section of his agency website. The section lists in-depth the many signs and
red flags that you may encounter. It
makes a lot of sense and is very consistent with my experience.
http://www.aloveinrussia.com/q_n_a/scams_rf_gd.shtml
In addition to the above, I have just a few more to add. In Russia, I was told by advisors that a nice
woman in a restaurant or cafe with you usually will order something about the
same price that you order, and not much higher.
It is the proper and polite thing for them to do. I have found this to be true, and a good tell
tale sign. However, if they attempt to
order something much more expensive than you, such as expensive wine or
seafood, that is a bad sign indeed.
However, I should warn you that some of the women who do this will order
something expensive without your permission, speaking to the waitress in
Russian so that you can't understand what she's ordering. You can help avoid this by asking her what she'd
like before you order.
Keep in mind though, not to read too much into one single bad or good
sign. Instead, it should be taken into
consideration along with all the other signs and behaviors that person
exhibits, to get a more complete picture.
Finally, I should point out that intuition, while inherently unreliable
in solving logical or technical problems, tends to be very accurate in
predicting whether a relationship is right or working out. This is why women tend to have a better sense
of where a relationship is going than men tend to. Women tend to trust their intuition more than
men, who rely primarily on facts, evidence, and logic instead.
Scientific courting
strategies
If you're into science, evolutionary psychology or biology, you might
want to consider what these researchers in those fields have to say about the
effective mating strategies for males which have been consistent throughout
time and across the species on this planet.
Here they are below. They include
strategies for attracting short-term and long-term mates, as well as do's and
don't, and links to the site of these findings.
http://www.geocities.com/protopop_1999/evde.html
What are some techniques for
attracting a female short-term mate?
1. Immediate resource display
2. Denigrate rival's resources
3. Wearing costly clothing
4. Displaying commitment
(persistence, kindness, nurturance toward children (????), fidelity,
love)-though not as effective as when used to attract long-term mates
5. Displaying physical prowess
6. Displaying bravado and
self-confidence
7. Sneak or satellite
strategy-pretending to not be interested or dominant, and then swithching when
the opportunity arises
What are some techniques for
attracting a female long-term mate?
1. Displaying potential for
acquiring resources (ambition)
2. Denigrating rival's ambition
3. Wearing costly clothing
4. Displaying commitment
(persistence, kindness, nurturance toward children, fidelity, love)
5. Denigrating a rival's
fidelity
_______________________________________________
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Troy/1813/faq_tre.htm
What is the main error
committed by men while courting women?
Detailed recommendations are given in the Treatise itself, here - just
briefly:
- One should not neglect his self-dignity out of desire to serve and to
please. Self-humiliation is absolutely unacceptable! As well as any action
lowering one's visual self-esteem.
- One should not be afraid of a woman! Perceiving a woman as a rigorous
boss is almost a warranty of failure.
- One should not show hunger for female attention. The most attractive
men are the "satisfied" ones - "to him who has much, there will
be given more, from him who has nothing - the least will be taken.". It's
not desirable to express this satisfaction verbally (especially - to lie about
the subject - discovery of such a lie would be a disaster!), it should be
expressed indirectly in gestures, intonations and actions. But one should
distinguish between "satisfaction" and "lack of appetite" -
"appetite" should be present.
- Gifts should seem as getting rid of surplus, but not as giving away
one's last property. Self-sacrifice won't be appreciated, on the contrary - it
will be a minus.
How to handle beautiful or
model-like women (Important!)
This is one of the most important sections of this article, because it
deals with a common disastrous mistake that many nice men make, including
myself. It took me a lot of bad
experiences and research into female psychology to learn this. It applies to women in Russia, America, or
anywhere. If a woman you are dating or
just happen to meet (whether Russian or American) turns out to be stunning
gorgeous, model material, or a 9 - 10, do NOT, I repeat do NOT, put her on a
pedestal, worship her, confess your feelings for her too easily or quickly, or
become mesmerized by her! If you do, you
run a high risk of her getting bored with you and seeing you as weak. If that happens, her female instincts will
cause her to lose her feelings or affection for you, even if she liked you a
lot at the beginning. At that point, she
won't be able to help it and may not even know that her female instincts are
changing her feelings for you. She will
either tell you that she feels suffocated by your attention, niceness, and
neediness, or else give some reason to herself and you, such as "I don't
love you. I can't control my heart's
feelings. I'm sorry."
Unfortunately, many nice well meaning men make this mistake and behave
this way toward beautiful women, trying desperately to please them to win their
hearts over. There's nothing wrong with
being nice, but when you're too nice, needy or try too hard to please her, it
comes across to the female instinct as weak and kills any attraction she may
have had for you. Instead, you've got to
portray yourself as the dominant one, not her.
Don't show any neediness or try to gain her approval. Show her that you're in control, and that you
aren't going to become weak or lose your dignity in her presence.
This doesn't mean that you have to rude, become a jerk or an
a**hole. That kind of behavior only
attracts the affection of dysfunctional women, which you wouldn't want anyway
right? Of course you should always
remain polite, gentlemenly, and considerate.
Just don't give her more respect than she deserves or put her on a
pedestal. If you do, she'll think there
is something wrong with you for giving her a respect she doesn't deserve. Be the dominant one here. In other words, your attitude has got to be
that you don't need her approval, but that she needs YOUR approval! And this should be the relationship dynamic
even if she is out of your league or social status. This not only gives HER a challenge, but
makes her feel like she has to work at gaining YOUR respect and favor, which
taps into any insecurities she may have (and we all have them). That way, her true self-esteem underneath her
beauty will come out, and be trying to gain your approval and respect. This doesn't mean you should act
over-arrogant either. A little arrogance
is ok, as long as it shows that you are confident, dominant, and in control.
In addition, be a little cocky and funny as well. That type of behavior seems to attract the
female instinct for some reason. But
again, don't overdo it to an extreme.
Just move your behavior in that direction. While you do, secretly evaluate the flow and
tempo of things and her individual reactions, to know how much and when. If you don't tend to be confident, cocky, or
funny, it may be difficult to be that way at first. But with practice in these behaviors, you'll
get better at it.
If you find yourself mesmerized or intimidated by her beauty or
appearance, try to re-channel that energy into humor. Rather than compliment or be in awe of her beauty,
try to make fun of it in a lighthearted way.
This will set you apart from all the other guys who are trying to kiss
her ass for her attention. Beautiful
women are used to men hitting on them all the time and being intimidated by
her. And they like it too because it
gives them power which divides them from average people. When they discover that they don't have that
power over you, they will become shocked, and be inclined to try to make up for
it somehow. Subconsciously, she's
looking for someone either at her level or needs something to move up to. If you take away the power of her beauty, her
true self underneath will be more likely to identify you as a challenge that
she has to win. Whatever happens, you
will be much more interesting to her than otherwise.
Finally, don't confess your feelings to her, tell her that you love her
(many women often dump men after they say the three big words) or how much you
care about her, unless you've been in a long relationship with her. And even then, you should say those things
sparingly. This is true even if she
constantly pesters you to express your feelings to her. She may claim to want you to do that, but
remember if you give in to her demands and do that, she may feel that she's
won, has the upper hand now, and become bored of you. That's when she considers that there's no
chemistry with you, she has no feelings for you, or her heart doesn't love you,
etc. And then she either strays or dumps
you suddenly. Instead, keeping her
trying to get your approval fuels her passion and feelings for you. That's the key. It's ok to express interest in her. Just do it in a calm way that implies that
you have other options too.
In summary, here are the five key words to remember about your behavior
around beautiful women - confidence, dominance, challenging, cocky, funny. In addition, using some of the behaviors in
the above section on "Scientific courting strategies" may help as
well. Again, none of these behaviors
should be done in extreme. Just practice
these types of behaviors gradually, gauging the moment and her individual
reactions to know whether to increase, maintain, or decrease these
behaviors. This may not guarantee the
success of a long term relationship of course, but it'll get much better results
than otherwise. With practice, you'll
find that beautiful women will be responding better to you than before.
A common lie from a gold
digger or user
This one is very important. I
hate seeing people take advantage of others.
If a woman you meet in Russia attempts to ask you or pressure you to
give her money or expensive presents, and tells you that this is normal in
Russia and that the man is obligated to comply, DO NOT believe her! She is lying or deluding herself! The reason I know is because I have discussed
this issue with many people in the 9 cities I visited in and they (the good
people) have all told me the same thing.
They told me that in Russia, it is NOT polite or proper for a woman to
ask or pressure a man for gifts or money, and that any woman who attempts to
tell you otherwise is lying or trying to use you, or else they are foolish and
inconsiderate. Either way, they told me
that a nice normal woman would not do such things. Those that tell you otherwise, are expecting
that you don't know anything and hoping to take advantage of that. You can trust me on this, as every credible
person I met in Russia explained this to me.
Therefore, if anyone attempts to deceive you and tell you that such
behavior is normal, tell them that enough credible people in Russia have
explained the truth about it to you, and therefore they cannot deceive
you. If they become moody after you tell
them this, just move on because there are many other nice ladies out there that
won't do this to you.
In fact, if you don't want to just take my opinion for it, here are the
responses of three Russian women I've polled.
I asked them if it was acceptable behavior in Russia for a girl to ask
for a mobile phone (cell phone) as a present, and what I should do next time it
happens to me.
From Olga of Izhevsk:
"As for girls and
mobiles, you are right, it isn't natural behavior. Maybe they just saw a
foreigner and thought he had plenties of money. I don't know how to explain
that. Of course, if you needn't buy them everything they ask for. Just say no.
And ask her why she thought you would buy her a mobile. Where did you meet such
insolent and stupid girls? Maybe they thought you are in love with them and
would do everything they asked."
From Oksana of Izhevsk:
"Dear Winston,
it's a pity that you met
such mercantile girls, the only
thing I can advise you is to
be careful with people, not
all of them are kind &
honest as I am. (I'm not shy by the
way:))) ). As you remember
Igor often told you about it.
As for the definite
situation you have, I think you just
should say "no",
with out any explanations.
I wish good luck, & good
people on your way!
Regards, Oksana"
From Tanya of Cherepovets:
"It's not normal when a
girl asks to present her a mobile phone ( or anything else). it is not a girl,
but a whore (or it is a joke). As for me I am too proud to ask my boyfriend to
buy me even ice-cream (as I can buy everything I need by myself). If a girl
asks you to buy her anything, run away from her, as she needs your money, not
you."
(Note: Contrary to Tanya's
opinion though, I think that a girl asking for snacks, food or drink is
acceptable, provided that you've known each other for a while.)
From Tanya of Cherepovets
again in a follow-up email:
"Hello Winston!!!!!
Thank you for your letters,
I am glad that you haven't forgotten me.
As for your questions, I can
say that ask your boyfriend to buy you even a trifle is not common ( you can
ask only your husband) but everything depends on a person, on personal
up-bringing. For some person it is normal to ask somebody to buy food or smth
like that, but among my acquaintances there are no such girls. My friend are
too proud to ask when they can afford it themselves. Maybe you met the girls of
another sort. But I don't know what kind of girls predominate: those who are
proud or those who are idiots."
(End of quotes)
In spite of all this, there are a certain percentage of women in Russia
who genuinely believe that true love is measured by how generous a man is with
money and presents to them. While such a
standard in the West would not be considered a sign of genuine love/affection,
nevertheless in these women's minds, it is.
These kind of women are not necessarily trying to deceive or use you, in
their minds, and they can be just as good, sweet, or nice as anyone else. It's just simply part of their mentality and
belief. If you meet many women in Russia,
you will inevitably come across this kind.
They may ask for things by giving you hints such as "It would be so
nice and convenient for me if I had a mobile phone", "I've always
wanted a mobile phone", etc. Or
else they may be bold enough to directly ask for things. My advice if you run into this type is that
unless you want to have this kind of woman, don't bother with them because
there are plenty of other women in Russia who are not like this and will never
ask for presents or money as a sign of your love to them. The culture clash and difference in mentality
between these kind of women and the average Western male thinking is just too
great, in my opinion.
Remember that you while you ought to be generous with Russian women you
date within reason, when it becomes excessive, you always have a right to say
no. But when you do, keep in mind never
to say that you can't afford it or it's too expensive. To say that to a woman in Russia is just
considered too culturally rude. If you
say no to something a woman wants, and she becomes moody or loses interest in
you, you're better off without her. Why
waste your time on someone like that?
Be wary of snoochers and
pure-takers
Finally, there are also some women in Russia who aren't serious about
having relations with a foreign man, but just want to be visited by one in
order to get presents, go out for entertainment, be wined and dined, etc. They simply get a kick out of having rich
foreign men spend money on them, even if they have no personal interest in him. Often, they find these foreign men by joining
marriage agencies. So be aware of them
for you'll probably come across some of them.
Although you can meet many fine quality women through these introduction
agencies, there are also a high proportion of these leisure snoochers. You will recognize them over time by the patterns
they exhibit. Usually, these women will
on the first date try to get you to go somewhere fancy and elaborate, and this
in itself is a red flag to watch out for.
But eventually, their pure-taker mentality becomes obvious. And after a while, you should be able to
pretty much tell if they're interested in you or in you spending money on
entertainment for them. If they
constantly seem far more interested in where you are taking them and what you
two will be doing, than with just spending quality time with you, that's not a
good sign.
The line between custom and
inappropriateness
As you will undoubtedly discover, in Russia it is customary for the man
to pay for everything when out on a date or even a friendship meeting, with a
woman. That custom is agreed to by
everyone, so there is no dispute on that.
However, since everything has its boundaries and limits, here is a good
rule of thumb to follow. When out on a
date or meeting with a Russian woman, pay for what you are supposed to,
including meals, snacks, transportation, entrance fees, entertainment,
etc. You will have done your part by
doing so. Then, if she attempts to ask
you for expensive gifts or presents (small gifts are ok though), that is where
the line is being crossed. Some of them
will act like you are obligated to comply, but the truth is, you are not. Simply tell her "Ni hachu" which is
Russian for "I don't want to." and leave it at that. Stand your ground. She will either accept that, or leave you and
look for other bait. Don't be used. Small gifts under 100 roubles though, are
another matter, and it is more acceptable for her to ask for them, but not so
often that it becomes a shopping spree.
Remember that although Russians see you a foreigner as rich with lots of
extra money to spare, the nice self-respecting ladies who care about you are
NOT going to treat you like you have a bottomless supply of cash in your
pocket, even if they think you really do.
The ones that do treat you as if you had a bottomless supply of cash in
your pocket are either greedy, users, or fools, and you should put them aside
before they give you problems in the long run.
And one tell-tale sign of them is if they ever call you
"greedy" or "stingy" for not complying with their
demands. As my experienced friend and
advisor Brad (who himself is married to a great Russian woman) told me in a
post once:
"First, a RW (Russian
woman) that is REALLY interested in you
will NEVER accuse you of
being greedy or
stingy. Only those women
that want to try
to shame you into spending
more money on them
will employ such a tactic.
It's a HUGE red
flag and grounds for
immediate dismissal of
the lady from your universe
of potential
brides.
It's an easy concept to
remember, no
well-intended RW would ever
encourage you
to "spend freely"
on them.....PERIOD!"
Nevertheless, I can tell you something from my experience. When I analyze the pattern of the behavior of
the Russian women I dated, here is what I've noticed. The nice women who have values and a decent conscience
will at least occasionally ATTEMPT to offer or insist on paying their way or
for both of you, on little things such as bus/metro fares, taxi fares, snacks,
or public restroom fees. This is true
even if they have little money. People
who have a conscience and self-respect do not like seeing other people paying
for 100 percent of everything, regardless of the local customs, so they like to
show their generosity or appreciation in some way, such as offering to pay their way or your way for
some of the little things. You can and
ought to refuse this offer from them of course, but the fact that they attempt
to do this tells you that they have some conscience and self-respect, which
usually turns out to be the case.
On the other hand though, the ladies/girls who, when they are with you,
refuse to ever spend even one rouble on the smallest thing, never even offering
to, are usually the ones without much of a conscience, self-respect, are lazy,
user-types, or just don't really care about you. Although these women are not violating any
Russian customs, they are showing a sign of inconsideration or laziness, and in
my experience, those who fit this criteria do tend to turn out in the end to be
what I described.
Those who religiously adhere to Russian customs or to customs in
general may flame me for saying these things, but understand that I am not
advocating violating any customs here, only giving my observations on what kind
of women exhibit what kind of behaviors.
As they say, often the little things that people do or try to do says a
lot about them. That's what this is
about.
Of course, this is only a general guideline based on my experiences,
and shouldn't be used as a basis to judge a whole person on. It is just one thing to take into consideration
along with everything else a person does, in forming your opinion of that
person.
Finally, believe it or not, there are a small percentage of Russian
women who insist on paying their own way or even paying for your meal. I've had this happen a few times before, but
on the internet, you will never seem to read about it. It seems that no one acknowledges the
existence of these kind of Russian women, except me. lol I don't know why though. Common sense should tell you that in every
society, there are always SOME people who don't believe in following every
custom to the T, and like to step outside their bounds or bend them. Some Russian women even admit to this.
Meeting women in Russia
If you're shy or don't know anyone in Russia, don't worry. It's easier to meet people there than you can
imagine, except for maybe Moscow.
Meeting people in Russia is a whole different dimension than it is in
the USA. In America, strangers are
strangers and people don't like to meet you unless it's through an organization
like work, school, clubs, friends, church, etc. and even then, it's not always
easy to get to know them or become a part of their social circles. In a country like Russia on the other hand,
people have the attitude that they like to meet new people, especially
foreigners, and are very direct about it.
Differences arouse curiosity there.
Almost no one is a stranger.
That's the attitude they have. In
fact, when I arrived in a new city in Russia, it would usually only take a few
hours to already know some people, get some contact information, and have plans
that night. Just doing the normal things
will usually create natural, effortless opportunities that get you acquainted
with people. When you see how easy it
is, you will soon become less shy and more direct yourself. People in Russia are totally UN-cliqueish,
which is so refreshing when you're new.
For you guys out there like me, let me share a secret with you. Here is the main difference between meeting
girls in Russia vs. America. In most
parts of America, when you see attractive girls that you want to meet in a
public place, it is a form of silent torture because you can't really do
anything about it. If you go up and try
to meet them, most of the time they will see that as inappropriate and see you
as some kind of creep, resulting in a defensive posture and vibe. This of course, make guys become more shy and
erodes their confidence toward attractive women. In Russia, on the other hand, it's not like
that at all. More often than not, the
attractive girls you see in public that you try to meet will often want to meet
you too, even if they look like models.
And when they give you their number or agree to get together later, they
usually follow through (rather than giving you their number and then screening
out your calls like many American girls do).
And even if they aren't interested in meeting you, at least they don't
make you feel like you are doing anything inappropriate, so you don't feel like
you've lost anything or violated anything.
And besides, there are enough girls there that want to meet you anyway,
to keep you motivated and confident enough to keep trying all the time. Therefore, you don't feel the torture of
seeing an attractive woman and not being able to do anything about it. Now guys, which attitude would you prefer
from attractive women?
Bringing your Russian woman
to your country
Last but not least, if things get serious between you and your Russian
woman, and she intends to marry you and go with you to your country, here is
what you need to do.
Go to your country's Embassy in Russia, which is probably located in
Moscow and St. Petersburg. If you are an
American, here are the addresses for the American Embassies there.
US Embassy in St.
Petersburg, Russia
Furstadtskaya ul., 15
St. Petersburg 191028
Russia
Tel. 7 (812) 275-1701
website:
http://www.stpetersburg-usconsulate.ru/index.htm
US Embassy in Moscow, Russia
19/23 Novinskiy Bulvar
Moscow 123242
Russia
consulmo@state.gov
(095) 728-5577
website: http://www.usembassy.ru/
Otherwise, you can use the internet to find the address of your
country's Embassy in Russia. Just go to
www.google.com and type in the search box "(your country) Embassy in
Russia".
At your Embassy, talk to someone in charge of immigration or obtaining
visas to your country. He/she will
instruct you in the basic steps required in obtaining a fiancée visa for
your Russian woman, which if you are an American, consist of the following.
1) You have to first return to the states and apply at your state's INS
department for your fiancée’s visa.
There are documents to fill out about you and her.
2) After filing, there will be a waiting period where your background
will be checked, which also doubles as a "cooling off" period to make
sure that you made the right decision and if any second thoughts creep up. Your income level will also be evaluated,
which must meet at least the federal minimum guidelines of being at least at
poverty level. This period can last
anywhere between a few months to 8 or 9 months, depending on your state. From what I've heard though, the average
waiting period during this time is 6 to 8 months.
3) If all this goes through ok, a packet will be sent to your fiancée
from the US Embassy in Russia. It will
contain documents and instructions for her.
She will need to attend an interview at the Embassy, to determine her
intentions and suitability for going to the states. During this time, many men prefer to fly over
to join their fiancée and attend this interview with her.
4) If she passes the interview stage, she will be issued a
fiancée visa shortly after, and will be free to come to the states. Once she arrives, you have 3 months to
officially get married before the fiancée visa expires, otherwise she
has to leave the country. These 3 months
are typically used as a trial period to see if she can adjust to life with you
there.
5) After the marriage, she will have to wait a year or two to get her
green card, which allows her to stay in the states.
* Note: The above is what I was told by the American Embassy in Moscow
when I was engaged to my ex-fiancée.
I was given an information packet about it as well, which I studied
thoroughly. If you are dealing with the
Embassy of another country though, the rules and conditions may be different.
** Note: Also, there are
supposed to be ways, I heard, of shortening this process. For example, some say that getting married in
Russia first before applying for the fiancée visa shortens the
process. But the US Embassy in Moscow
told me that was not the case, at least not anymore. Also, if you live in Russia at least 6
months, there is also a residential status that you can apply for which would
create a loophole that would allow you to bring a fiancée to the US in a
few weeks. And I have also heard of a
way where you both get married outside your countries, such as in Cyprus, it
also vastly shortens the INS process for your fiancée as well. And finally, there are lawyers out there,
especially ones that are contracted by marriage agencies, that claim to be able
to speed up the process for a fee, though you should be very careful dealing
with these people. I can't really give
you a thumbs up or down on trying these methods, especially since the
immigration and visa rules are constantly being revised. But they are worth considering and
investigating. I would suggest
contacting your country's Embassy in Russia by phone or email to get more
details, or your own country's INS department.
Once she gets the green card, the point comes that separates the
scammer from the woman who truly loves you, because now she will no longer need
you to stay in your country. And if
she's a scammer, she'll make her move to leave you. So you better make sure you've picked the
right person. Otherwise, here are the
consequences.
Understand that if you make a mistake, you can't just pick up and
pretend it all never happened, and start over again. It's not that simple. You have more to lose than that. When applying to bring your fiancée to
the US, you have to sign documents that obligate you to pay the government back
for any welfare or unemployment benefits that your Russian woman collects, EVEN
if she isn't married to you any longer!
Therefore, even if you two are separated, you still have to support her
in a sense. In addition, there is a
devious diabolical way she can divorce you before the one or two year period to
get the green card is up. If she accuses
you of physical abuse, and you're convicted, the court will let her divorce you
before the green card waiting period is up, and she can still remain in the
country. Few women have the gall to
falsely accuse a man like that, but I've heard of it happening before, so keep
that in mind.
There are many guides and books that help you and your Russian woman
adjust to living together in America, and deal with the cultural differences
between you two, as well as her psychological adjustment. You can find some of them on www.womenrussia.com. The usual phases she goes through are usually
like this.
a) At first, she goes through a period of wonder, intrigue and
excitement at living in a new country.
b) Then she starts getting homesick and longs for the familiarity of
her home country. This can lead to
depression and withdrawal symptoms too.
It is at this phase that some Russian women decide they can't handle it
anymore and wish to return home, which may happen.
c) Finally, if she gets through that phase, with your help and her
inner willpower, then she adjusts to her new life, learns to make the best of
it and finds a place for herself.
Besides the fiancée visa, there are other ways that a Russian
woman can legally come to the USA. They
are through a tourist visa, work visa, or student visa. The tourist visa is impractical as it is
extremely difficult for a Russian woman to get.
She would have to prove to the US Embassy in her country that she has
significant financial assets in Russia that would make it unlikely that she
would stay illegally. Most Russian women
would not, therefore, be able to pass this qualification. The work visa option is possible, but
difficult since she would have to find a company in America willing to sponsor
her for that kind of visa. The student
visa is the least difficult of these three other options. But she would have to apply through a
university or study program and register for courses there, which can be very
expensive for her. Then, as long as
she’s enrolled in courses, she is allowed to stay in the US. However, there may be age restrictions on
some of these study programs.
There are also some work abroad programs that Russian girls (some whom
I know or have met) often use to come to the USA for a while. One that is frequently used by them is called
CC USA (www.ccusa.com). These type of programs have their own
selection criteria to qualify, such as being able to speak competent English,
and usually cost around a thousand dollars, which includes roundtrip airfare,
lodging, and meals.
Now, if your Russian girlfriend comes to your country by one of these
other methods, and you marry her while she’s in the states, then that’s a whole
other ball game, and you should contact your state INS department for
instructions on how to apply for a permanent stay visa for her.
Calling your Russian woman
from abroad
(Introducing Winston's
calling card shop!)
If you are corresponding with a Russian woman or already involved with
one, chances are you make regular phone calls to Russia or Ukraine. If so, here is the cheapest way to do it that
I've found besides calling through the internet. You can buy prepaid internet calling cards
online that give you much lower rates than your long distance phone provider. There are many of them online, but the cheapest
ones I've found so far are from Masterbell (www.masterbell.com). Their rates to Russia, for example, are 3
cents per minute to Moscow and St. Petersburg, and 6 cents to the rest of
Russia, with a 2 cent per minute surcharge if you live in an area where you
have to use a toll free access number. (The site will tell you) Now that is dirt cheap for sure! The interface on the site is also super easy
to use, and virtually hassle free too.
Now, I have an affiliate account through Masterbell, so if you use my
link instead, it will help me earn credits toward free calling cards to
use. So, if you feel that you've
benefited from my advice and tips, then you can help me out by using the link
to my calling card shop to order these prepaid calling cards, instead of the
main one. The rates and costs are all
exactly the same as the main site, and therefore you'd sacrifice nothing in
helping me earn credits. Here is the
link:
http://callrussia.pushline.com
It will take you to "Winston's Calling Card Shop". Once there, everything is
self-explanatory. Just select the
countries you're calling to and from to get the list of rates and calling cards
available. There are also great rates to
Europe and Asia, as well as domestic US rates of 2 cents a minute nationwide. Anyone should be able to use the site with no
problem, but if you do, feel free to email me with any questions at
WWu777@aol.com.
Helpful Links and Agencies
Here are some links to articles and websites I recommend about Russian
women. And also links to marriage or
introduction agencies that I know of which are honest and reputable.
A site created by a Russian woman, Elena, with a plethora of articles
about Russian women and also functions as a dating agency. Elena has a very fine and solid reputation in
this field. In addition, she has a
degree in philosophy so she is very smart.
www.womenrussia.com
A black list of scammers and bad agencies put together by Elena
http://www.womenrussia.com/blacklist.htm
A list of good reputable agencies put together by Elena:
http://www.womenrussia.com/recomend/index.htm
Virginia Agency's website in Yoshkar-Ola. Honest and reputable staff. Almost all the women you meet through them
are quality women who are well-intentioned.
www.yoshkar-ola.com/e
Some agencies in Volgograd which are known by my peers to be honest and
reputable
http://www.aloveinrussia.com
http://www.anastasya.com
http://www.alloc-net.com
http://www.karmen-agency.com
Introduction agencies which have the biggest database of beautiful
women, though their reputation is mixed and controversial, like most big
companies are.
www.russianwomen.net
www.anastasiaweb.com
www.loveme.com (A Foreign Affair)
A free site where you can write Russian women for free, and also post a
free profile to have Russian women write you directly from their personal email
address (and you get a lot of replies, believe me).
www.1st-attractive.com
Another free site:
www.match-seeker.com
A pen pal site where the girls aren't generally looking for love, but
are clean and honest. You are unlikely
to find scammers there.
http://www.sv-agency.udm.ru/sv/penpal.php (make sure to click the search button to pull
up all the results)
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